I really like our formal wedding china but have wondered if we should keep it.
We left several boxes of breakables with family while we lived overseas. It was fun to be reunited with some almost forgotten items on our return. Fun and strange. Four years ago my pre-kids self was still fresh in my mind. I thought I would be back to making creme brulee soon. I thought that I would be back to having “bust out the formal china we’re cooking something special” dinner parties in the near future. Before we moved to the UK I had a china cabinet and I used it.
Things have changed.
With three kids five and under and with most of my friends having young kids, I don’t see formal dinner parties happening anytime soon. When people come by I make something that can sit warming in our crock pot. Simple, hearty and easy to eat with children on your lap is key. We don’t ‘set the table’ with place mats because the under two set like to pull those, and the dishes on top of them, off. I will make a labor intensive meal just a few times a year to dine on once the kids are in bed.
Should I get rid of my formal dinner china?
A handful of people have emailed me asking just this question. Should they let the dust gathering, space stealing, sometimes heirloom, family dinner china go?
Fewer and fewer couples are registering for formal china. Dining rooms and formal dinners at home are a thing of the past. Some families are holding onto dinnerware that has been passed down from parents and grandparents and they feel pressure to keep it in the family – even if it is never used.
The answer for me: use it or lose it. I’ve started using our beautiful china as everyday dishes. They are dishwasher safe and I love how they look. I particularly love how they look if I get up before the rest of my family and have a quiet breakfast on my own. Are they practical? No. Are they beautiful and do I use them? Yes.
Our kitchen is so small that I have to make some tough decisions about what we have in it. If it’s not used regularly we can’t give it space. So, beautiful dinnerware, I must use you or we will have to part ways. I even let my kids use the family wedding china!
Should you sell your family china?
I also looked at if I should sell our wedding china. If I wasn’t going to use it regularly it was just taking up space. Our family china was an expensive set when I registered for it many years ago. I loved the simple china pattern and thought it was a classic. We chose a Vera Wang for Wedgewood set. We have an almost full setting for eight plus a serving platter.
It’s funny to think about this wedding china now and why I registered for so much. At the time we lived in a less than 600 sq ft apartment. To have four people sit down for dinner we had to pull our tiny dining table out from the wall. This was before I was into minimalism. I guess I had dreams of a house and a huge dining table.
Wedding china was also before I had kids. And before we knew we would live overseas for four years. If I was getting married today, I’d skip registering for formal wedding china. I’d skip the whole wedding thing and elope too!
When I researched selling my wedding china I found out it wasn’t really worth that much. I could get a few hundred dollars for the whole set. You can find out how much your wedding china is worth, and decide if you should sell your wedding china, by Googling the pattern and make.
What if you have heirloom or family wedding china to sell?
This is becoming an increasingly common problem. Families have been given – sometimes without request or want – family members wedding china to “keep it in the family”. But most modern families have no use for this formal china. Much of it is not dishwasher safe and is highly impractical.
Should you sell the family china? First, you’ll have a hard time getting any money for most of it. So the real question is should you send it to a thrift store. Yes. Do it. If anyone in your family will be upset by this tell them they can take it.
You do not have to be storage for your family’s heirlooms if you don’t want to be.
Let the family china go.
If you aren’t going to use it get rid of it.
Anyone else face this decision? Is anyone having lavish formal dinner parties still? If so can I get an invite!??
Oh my goodness, that teacup is lovely. Thank you for this post (as I view it years later). I inherited a dining room set when I moved out in 2015 and wasn’t sure if I should have registered for fine china to go in it when I got married the following year. I’m considering moving to another state which would require us to downsize, so I’ve been trying to slowly adapt to a minimalist lifestyle. I wondered if fine china would make the cut, but seeing your article reminded me that I chose a simple pattern for possible everyday use and I’m going to start doing that. Yay!
I have to ask, where is your dinnerware from? It’s JUST my style and beautiful.
Thank you. It’s Vera Wang by Royal Doulton. It was very much my style 8 years ago when I got married. I still love it but sometimes wish I had chosen something sturdier like Denby. Once we get out of the plate throwing stage I will let the kids use it.
“If you don’t die with your china chipped, you haven’t lived a beautiful life” Alexandra Stoddard. I live by this and use the 8 sets of china I inherited. Each dinner party gets a lovely different setting and I take pictures of the place setting more often then the people. Gracious living may seem like too much work but it will be a sad day when we can’t make the effort to live a beautiful and gracious life with our children. I hope to die with all of my Waterford broken from lots of dinner parties.
Oh my, that is a lovely sentiment! So encouraging.
We registered for the ubiquitous Sophie Conran Portmerion dishes (8 years ago, but almost every couple we know who married after us did the same. Not sure if they are still in vogue or not.) Everyday, but a bit pretty. We also have my husband’s paternal grandmother’s china and have never used it. I don’t think we will let it go just yet, but just last weekend we discussed whether it should still keep space in our cabinets or be consolidated and moved elsewhere for now. In the years to come I see us being given “options” on various other china sets and not sure what to do – a lot is sentimental, even if not my personal style. I debated taking one setting from each set (if other family members don’t mind) as I envision it being overflow dishes for larger dinner parties. Then again, that was the plan for this set we’re currently carrying… but until we invest in a larger dining table, things stay pretty small and casual here and we’ve managed to get by with our 12 dinner plates.
I love the Sophie Conran Portmerion dishes. Excellent choice.
That’s a great idea to take one set from each family. Hopefully they go for it.
I finally came to this decision months ago after reading a post from Life Your Way and we’ve been using our china ever since. Every day is special! 🙂
We were given a family set of china when we bought our over sized house 6 years ago. We were actually given an entire truck of family items when we bought our 4 bedroom house, we had no kids to fill it after all. Fast forward to now and we have 3 kids, put the 4 bedroom on the market, downsized to a small mid century ranch, and gave the china back to my in laws.
I have plain white dishes with some bead work around the perimeter. They’re from Target, nothing special. If they break any white dishes would fit in fine. Anyway, if I had fine china I’d use it for everyday meals. Life is short and special. We shouldn’t save these things for “someday”. We should celebrate everyday.
I have a beautiful set of china, a (registered) wedding gift from my Aunt. I have since divorced, travelled, and remarried… we now have 2 little darlings under 2 who make it clear to me each meal time that they just as happy eating straight off the table (haha saves washing dishes). I’m fairly sure there’s not a single good reason I should hold onto it, other than in honour of my beloved auntie. It’s pretty but my tastes have changed a lot since I picked it out and nowadays I appreciate the beauty and nostalgia of my mum’s and grandmother’s. I’d happily use it every day but it isn’t microwave safe, so it’s been in storage for about — 15 years! I just did that math and now I’m completely shocked! I really didn’t think I was THAT sentimental! It’s got to go!
An in-law “inherited” four separate complete sets of fine china from various grandparents and great aunts when she got married and she admitted she didn’t like any of the patterns, so she registered for a pattern she liked and uses this pattern everyday. She said some of these inherited patterns are place settings for 18 or 24 and included all the fancy serving pieces and also came along with ornate sterling silver cutlery too. They are stored in her basement. She didn’t like having to accept these items that she knew someone else didn’t use but thought she can hold on to these wedding gifts for a while until she feels comfortable getting rid of them. I felt for her when I saw all the boxes and packaging that she felt obligated to keep – well, at least while some of these relatives are still around. I would like to ask her of any of these people who gave her the china and silver ever ask if she uses it or have they been over for dinner and “noticed” that “their pattern” was not in use, or in rotation with that lot.
I knew a woman who married in the summer and decided to register for Christmas china, because she felt the only time of the year she would ever use good china was for Christmas dinner. Pretty pattern of a Christmas tree but even back then I thought to myself that is a great deal of money to spend on something you plan to use only once a year. I did give her a candy dish or something with the pattern from her registry (it was really expensive back then too) for a bridal shower but noticed very few people actually went out and gave her a place setting as a wedding gift.
Personally, I always felt a little uncomfortable with registering for gifts. But it can be easier on guests who really have no idea what you may like for a wedding gift.
I have two sets of dishes. I inherited a set of Pfaltzgraff after my Mom died and it is my every day china. The funny thing is that I never really cared for it when I was a kid. I used to tease my Mom that she had so much of the pattern that she probably had it printed on her undies. Now, I love it because it reminds me of her every time I use it. My “good” china is also from my mother. It’s supermarket china that is now a collectible. My children know it’s a holiday when they see that china and it occasionally gets used when I’m in a celebratory mood. I don’t believe in saving nice things for some future visit from the Queen. Life is short; enjoy what you have.
I love my wedding china – it’s beautiful and we don’t have too much of it – just dinner plates, smaller (dessert?) plates and 2 serving platters. We knew we’d never use a gravy boat/coffee cups and saucers, etc. So we just registered for the bare basics knowing we could mix it with other neutral pieces. It doesn’t take up too much space and even if I don’t use it often while my kids are young, I think I’ll be happy to have it. This falls under the “when I look at it, it makes me so happy” category so it’s okay with me that it collects dust for a few years. It’s one of the very rare things I’m willing to store in my home that doesn’t get used all the time. Actually… I think it might be the ONLY exception to my “use it or lose it” rule!
When I registered for my wedding I made sure to choose a set nice enough to use for a dinner parties yet not so expensive and ‘fine’ that I couldn’t let my kids eat from it, particularly as they now in school and have outgrown the plastic IKEA dishes. Living closer to the city means less space (townhouse versus house) and I figured it would be a waste to have dishes you only use at select times during the year and a shame to eat off of ‘cheap’ plates year round.
I did not put China on our wedding registry, but I did put beautiful stoneware on it. We received every piece on the registry. Many years and three children later, it became apparent that the stoneware was too heavy for daily use, especially when carrying stacks of plates from the dishwasher, and when the kids tried to set or clear the table! My MIL offered us a set of Corelle dishes and we LOVE them. I sold the stoneware, but did keep the sugar/creamer set and some coffee mugs for my own daily use. It’s been several years and we haven’t looked back!
It hit me when our 5th son was born that China was not in my near future. We had 5 boys aged 10 on down and besides that my pattern was not dishwasher friendly, we only had 10 place settings. This meant not enough if we had anither family over. I gave our China to a friend who had a very similar set already that she was looking to expand, and II now have just one set of dishes that I love and that Crate & Barrel has sold for over 10 years now… I like being able to add a few pieces as needed without replacing the entire set or having mismatched sets.
I purchased deeply discounted white wear sets 10 years ago from IKEA. 6 sets of 4. I keep 4 sets out with two boxes hidden behind the trim on top of cabinets (dead space anyway). They are sturdy, attractive and perfectly sized with a thick band that makes an average meal look pretty and a totally diameter to support a Thanksgiving meal or buffet. I hope never to buy dinnerware again. No one knows what they cost and no one cares. There is no pattern to clash with decor or to distract from my cooking. I love it.
I inherited my late mothers sterling silver cutlery. She kept it in a cupboard for years at the retirement village. It,reminds me of the raucous neighbourhood dinner parties they had in the ’70s. You’ve reminded me to get it out and just use it for daily use. Im not sure how it’s going to go in the dishwasher however.
Silver is fine in the dishwasher, just keep an eye on the knives and where the blade connects to the handle, you may need to do those by hand if they are full silver.
My wife and I use the chipped dishes or everyday/just for us eating, because they’re still lovely and there’s a story behind almost every ding and crack. We save the perfect ones for company, because we do like to entertain and they do get used.
I have a lovely cutlery set that was my Mum’s dinner party set – she bought a new one, gave the old one to me and it sat in it’s box for a while, along with my husbands 5 sporks (in their small red velvet box). Eventually I ditched the mismatched stuff we had and just used the nice stuff every day. The sporks are fantastic, they’ve been lovely to use for years now. Boxes went in the bin.
On that note, my husband knows my feelings on reducing stuff well by now – we were at his Mum’s and she was hunting for wine glasses in a cupboard and pulled out two set of boxed teaspoons during the search. I asked why she had teaspoons in boxes, and she started to tell us who’s they had been and he said, I think she means why do you have them if you aren’t using them!
We didn’t have a registry when we got married, and we’ve ended up with a lot of crystal ware but no fine china. I actually wish I’d suggested a specific set of dinnerware that people could have added as little or as much as the wanted to it!
I will inherit a beautiful set from my inlaws one day, but hopefully that’s a long way off.
I can’t imagine having more than one set of dishes. Never even thought of asking for any on wedding registries – we asked for gift cards to bookstores and home improvement stores 🙂 We use clear glass dishware by Anchor Hocking, made in USA, super easy, clean, simple, and if one ever breaks we can replace it for $5.
When I was growing up, my mom got out her china and served breakfast on it every Sunday, complete with classical music and homemade cocoa. Loved it!
We registered for one set of dishes, plain white bone china. We eat off of it every day and let our kids start eating off of it as soon at about age 4. And then I inherited my mom’s family china which I can’t bear to part with! But it isn’t a full set so it only takes up one cubby in our sideboard.
We’ve just moved and my storage is in short supply. I had to make the hard decision on what dishes to keep. I no longer have a place for my hutch or good dishes. I decided that I would get rid of my Denby dishes and keep the dishes that had been on my hutch. It’s Salmon Falls Stoneware, it’s beautiful, and I love it. We only used for company, but now we use it everyday. Same with my flatware and glassware. We decided that our next house will be when we retire, and it will be smaller still. It’s been frustrating trying to fit everything into my smaller home, but I find I am now using the things I love, rather than saving them for someday. A favorite quote from the movie Night and Day. “Someday is a very dangerous word. It’s a codeword for never.”
Just last month I let my barely four and nearly two year old have a tea party with the good china. It usually only comes out for holidays. I do believe it to be beautiful. My grandfather bought it in Japan when he was there with the Marines in the 1970s, and my grandmother gave it to me as a wedding gift. For now, I have space for it and I’m happy to have it.
Today is my younger daughter’s second birthday. Maybe we’ll use the china tonight. 🙂
We use some china every day! And our 5 year old too! I love having toast with a super fancy plate! We do have heirloom china that we bust out for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I use my mom’t silver as our everyday silverware. Use it or lose it!
My Mom gave me some great advice long before I was thinking of registering for a wedding: “Register for good dishes that you’ll actually use!” I slowly started collecting pieces from a Denby collection that I loved, and when I did get married our generous friends and family filled in the missing pieces. After 12 years of constant use (kids included!) I still love those dishes and use them for everything…..toast with jam breakfasts and fancy Thanksgiving dinners!
The funny part is, my parents finally got rid of the formal china they got for their wedding…..and guess who they tried to give it to?? Haha. I accepted 2 teacups and a sugar bowl/creamer for my daughter and I to have tea parties. The rest: SOLD!
Ha! Golden that your parents tried to give you the china they didn’t use themselves.
I do sometimes wish I had registered for something lovely but durable like Denby. Those dishes last!
My mother-in-law gave us her Mother’s China when we got married. She was downsizing to a rv for full timing. I don’t like using china, the flowery design doesn’t help any, so it sits in a box in my husband’s office. We need to find out if MIL wants it back or if she’s fine with us selling it.
Amy – I think this is a very common thing to do. My mother downsized and we all had a chance to choose a few pieces from her buffet that we liked.
I must say, we do like having a firmsl dinner on occasions. It is great to mark certain days and to celebrate! However, as I do not have the space for a full set of formalware, we use our everyday but nice (Denby cream) dinnerware and we have a formal set of chrystal glassware and formal silver cutlery set to make the dinnertable look special.. Both were wedfing presents, therefore we have the emotional attacment to them too. 🙂
🙂 Smart woman having Denby dinnerware.
We were also reunited with our beautiful Waterford wine glasses. Years ago I only wanted to use them on special occasions. Now I use them weekly.
I have 3 under 4. We do use our formal china, but only once or twice a year. It is still worth it to me to keep it. What I haven’t kept are cloth napkins because even with the formal china I never used them!
🙂 Thanks for weighing in on this. And, hee hee, I love cloth napkins.
Interesting, Sabrina, that you brought up cloth napkins. I used to consider them too “posh”, but since using them daily, it is great to see how much paper I save! 🙂
I’m one of those party-poopers who thinks its sort of ridiculous to have multiple sets of dinning ware. I’m 100% in the ‘use it or lose it’ club.
But hey, I also don’t like that we have 15 glasses for three people. 15! And gat doesn’t include mugs! And when we got married, we didn’t even have a registry – we had everything we needed already (as we’d been living on our own for years). What a poop I am!
I too think it’s ridiculous to have multiple sets – but I love parties 😉
We have a 4 person set of everyday dishes and I use the ‘good china’ with that.
Hmmm I think we have six water glasses and then six smaller glasses for the kids for the five of us. When people are over we often have to pull things out of the dishwasher and wash by hand. I like to have enough dishware that it can be run once a day full and we could have a few people over and have enough plates (but they don’t have to match).
I have 8 sets of all my Denbys, as we never have more adults for dinner. The kids are always happy to use the plastis Ikea plates/bowls/cups. 🙂