I read this post at The Trephine the other week and couldn’t stop thinking about it. The story Jen told about herself, getting rid of it all until you can fit your things in your car, isn’t earth shattering to me. Probably not to you either if you’re reading this. But the way she writes about it – hot damn! So good.
All I can tell you is that I, personally, as an individual, was deeply unsatisfied with the way things were. I spent far too much of my time dusting my crap, arranging my crap, painting my crap, finding more crap I needed to go with my other crap, and suffering under the illusion that I would feel fulfilled and satisfied and happy just as soon as my life looked like something out of a Pottery Barn catalog and I were wearing the right pair of ballet flats and the most whimsical brooch.
People get dressed up here. Sure, I’m from Vancouver and it’s known as a casual earthy town and I only wear heels to an event or, in the past, to work (but I wore flats to walk to work and then slipped the heels on in the lobby before heading up to my desk). So I’m open to the idea that I fall on the deeply casual end of dressing.
But these Manx, they sure do go all out on a Saturday night. We were at a casual family restaurant with another family the other weekend, something akin to Red Robin in North America, and in walked some late teens and early 20’s ready for a night out. The girls were dressed in huge heels, cocktail dresses and thick make-up. This wasn’t a quick pit stop for a drink before heading to a debutante ball – this was the night out. Oh the hours and energy they must be spending on that look.
I thought I looked okay myself, maybe not ready to get presented as a Deb, but in reasonably current and good condition clothing with my usual amount of make-up (mascara, tinted moisturizer). And I got ready in less than five minutes.
The less you own, the harder it is to hide from everything still wrong with you. All of the dreams you have yet to realize, even now that your childhood is startlingly far behind you, are suddenly so much more starkly visible once you can’t distract yourself by petting fabric swatches or rearranging your bookshelves.
Gulp. These words hit home for me. I’m in a transitory state about career at the moment. Thinking about getting a job-job here in the Isle of Man. Something with a regular pay check. Something I might have to buy some work clothes for (insert sad face).
Trying to make a living writing is hard. The hours for writing and pitching articles were sucked up with the move in the last few months. Now I’ve got some time to think about things, plan, sit still. I’ve got that time because I don’t have any DIY home projects or a vintage sweater collection to look after.
Empty time can be scary. When you’re not running from one thing to the next, always late, always with the long to-do lists, always reaching for more money and more stuff, the quiet can be deafening. What do I want to do? Now that I have choice in my life, that it’s not a necessity that I punch in at an office to pay our bills, where do I want to go? Can I be grateful to have choices and options but still tell you, I’m scared. That it feels like the easier path is to turn my back on some dreams and get a desk job. It’s safe.
Lots to think about from The Trephine. Thanks, Jen.
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Rachel,
The best year I spent in my life was one in total flux. We moved from a very busy population center to a teeny, tiny cabin in the woods of the Ozark mountains. My honey went to work every day and I spent the whole year working on “the great American novel”.
The novel wasn’t any good, but the year of reflection nourished my soul. If you have a little freedom right now, relish it, explore your inner world, and you just might discover the outer work you want to be doing.
Now I’m off to read that article you mentioned. Take care!
Don’t be scared. Having spent 10 years in corporate positions that nearly killed my soul, I know how simple it would be to slip into that routine again and get a desk job. However, I know I’d be miserable in five minutes. Personally, I’m looking to spend as much time as I can with the kids while they’re small, and if/when I decide I want to head back to work I’ll only be looking to accept a job that’s right for me where I am at now. I’m thinking non-profit/environmental industry. In the nearer future, it’ll be more volunteering and spending time with the kids. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people and network, maybe that might be a good idea in your new hometown? If writing is a big dream for you, I say go with it and be patient in the short term and see where it leads you. Best of luck!
They really are only young once. I think about that a lot lately. I’ve really enjoyed all this time with my son and it keeps getting better. They start full day kindergarten over here at 4 so we really only have two more years with him mostly at home.
Your plan to ease back in with volunteering sounds great.
I’ve so been where you are right now Rachel (at a crossroads — not in the midst of a cross-country move!). It’s so hard to choose which path to follow, but not having a choice is far more difficult.
Maybe you could take some time to settle in and squirm around in the discomfort of the extra space you have right now. Your idea to give yourself some goals with regards to writing sounds like a great idea.
Just remember that you’ll be settling into your new environment for a little while, so go easy on yourself!
Thanks, Jenny. It was good to actually write it down here. Feeling motivated to make plans and set some goals.
Empty time and a big move like this can also be great because you have the opportunity to really think about what you want to do. A rare blessing of time.
Thanks, Marilyn. Your last post was, hope this doesn’t sound weird, quite motivating. I’m pretty happy at the moment but recognized elements of myself in a lot of what you were sharing. Hope sleep is good this week =)
Just checked your blog and that “quite motivating” article, and all I can say is : WOW!!!
You perfectly describe how I felt a couple of years ago.
I wish you all the best on your journey to happiness!
I feel “Empty time can be scary.” is a strong remark Rachel.
Do you feel you need to work to contribute to the household finances? Do you need to work to be able to have adult company, because you have a passion (career) in mind you want to pursue? or you like being busy and surrounded by ‘distractions’?
Part of it is that I worry I will fail at creating income from writing. While we’re doing well I know that a traditional job would be helpful for reducing our mortgage back in Canada. Chris is very supportive and wants me to choose what I want to do.
We’ve been discussing it this week and I’m going to set some time lines and goals for developing my writing career. I think have a metric for success in that area will not only motivate me but give me a barometer to see the work needed to accomplish my goals.
You seem to know Rachel that writing is what makes you happy and what you want to do, so go for it! So many people don’t find their passion and veg in non-fulfilling jobs.
“…a metric for success in that area will not only motivate me but give me a barometer to see the work needed to accomplish my goals.” Well said. I think you are lucky that you are not is an absolute need to earn a regular income, and also, as Henry is still quite young, you can establish your writing career while staying at home with him. All the best with your career choice; if you write a book I’ll definitely buy one. I think you have an eloquent, down to earth and charming style.
(by the way, I’ll be featured as a Real Life Minimalist on missminimalist.com with a piece about making ‘minimalist’ career life and choices. It’s due to be published on 27th June)
That so exciting about being on Miss Minimalist! I’ll try to remember to link to it here. I love reading real life stories.
Thanks for the encouragement. I need a bit of a kick in the pants to get moving on things. I know I need to balance that with settling into life here in the IOM. But – feeling quite motivated. Thanks =)
I have a very similar post drafted about the same amazing post by The Trephine. Crossroads are scary but I’m trying to capture that exhilarating feeling Jen has in her post. The freedom to choose is sometimes scary but if you step back it is also so exciting to have choices.
You’re at a HUGE crossroad at the moment. Very cool but I can see that it’s also very stressful. Happy you are signed up for Crossfit for the summer – can’t wait to hear about the workouts.
Rachel i am so with you at this crossroads at the moment, i too have completley re-focused my life, stuff removed fully embraced minmalism and all the benefits i have had time and space to ‘think’ about the direction i want my life to take. I am 34, and for the past 3 years i have been a sahm through choice, giving up a well paid very stressful job to just be with my kids, i have loved every second of it but i know that they don’t really need me the way they used to. I want to fulfill my ambitions and for the first time in my life i can choose a occupation that is not money motivated, It’s a good place to be. Take your time, think enjoy the freedom and space that you have, embrace your dreams.
Sharron x
Sharron,
So nice to hear from someone else in a similar position.
It’s been liberating and scary to take a step back from the hustle/buy/spend/do everything. I feel like I shouldn’t complain – I know a lot of women that would love to have the choices I have – but it’s also been a lot to ponder. Maybe that is part of the problem – need to worry less about failure and what ifs and just do what makes me happy.
Rachel