• You would really like the book The Nesting Place. It is from a blogger who writes about what truly makes a home, balancing wants/needs, repurposing. I loved it!

  • I’ve heard good things about that book. Thanks for another vote for it 🙂

• Hi Rachel I have been gone for a while, also posting under another email. Anyway, I see what you say decided to stop browsing for now that’s what fits your life now. I’m glad school is close by, that’s a bigger issue than anything else.

• To answer your question…Yep. I tend to focus on an area of life at a time. For example, I am on a weight loss journey so I have had to buy all new clothes. To save money and be practical (since I am still losing) I am buying a lot of used clothing. I am getting incredible deals at local thrift stores and Ebay, But to get the best deal you have to look a lot. This does make you want more and more. .

• This is such a timely post for me as well. We’ve recently discovered that it might make sense to buy a house, instead of continuing to rent. We plan to stay where we are for the long haul, and a mortgage payment on a house similar to the one we’re renting now would be lower than our current rent. So I’ve started browsing through real-estate listings. And I find myself getting a bad case of the wants. Things we can’t afford just look so….shiny. Hardwood floors! A bonus room above the garage! Real tile in the kitchen! But we’re perfectly happy (really, truly happy) with the wall-to-wall carpet that we’re living with now–it’s actually really cozy during our long Montana winters. And with our laminate kitchen and bathroom floors, and plastic, builder-grade bath tubs there is not a single bit of grout to clean anywhere in this house! And even the textured walls don’t really bother me (though they do still mystify me as a choice that someone actually made). I do think that I’m in a much better head-space than I would have been a year ago, before I discovered the minimalist mom and became inspired to change our lives. But still, it takes some real, conscious effort on my part not to get bogged down by the wants when I’m looking through those listings!

• I can so relate to this Rachel! I LOVE looking at home decorating magazines, and have actually just subscribed to my favourite. I have spent a long time telling myself that this interest was inherently bad or wasteful, and I banned myself from reading them, but I find making spaces inviting and comfortable really exciting and fulfilling and I really felt the absence of this interest! Hence the magazine. I can indulge in my interest by reading about other people’s renovations, for not very much money 🙂 I do find things in the magazine that I would like to try or buy, but I have a list in the back of my diary and anything I think I like gets added to that list. After about a month, things usually get taken off the list, being deemed unnecessary 🙂 I generally find that I am inspired to reuse or reorganise things I have already, more than buying new things. We are saving up to fix up our bathroom though, but that is out of necessity rather than a desire to make it look pretty! With a toilet that doesn’t flush very well and cracked tiles all over the place, it really is becoming a matter of urgency!

• I am definitely susceptible to decorating wants…I looked at the photograph at the top of this post and immediately wanted the cushion (grey! trees!) and the footrest (grey! knitted!). I tend not to browse for inspiration, though- thankfully it is a habit I have not acquired! I do have a habit of browsing for clothes, though, which tends to lead to dissatisfaction with my current wardrobe!

  I’m actually planning to repaint/rewallpaper most of the house this autumn- it’s starting to get a bit tatty and in need of fresh paint (we’ve not redecorated since we moved in, as luckily the people before us had good taste in home decor!). This post is a good reminder not to start wanting to add more stuff to the house, and to match the new paint to what I already have!

• Wanting more, yes. Buying more, no. You have to have money to buy, lol. I do tend to find myself taking on more and more DIY projects as I increase my browsing and wanting though. Because DIY is about the only way I can satisfy my wants.

• When I browse, I’m definitely susceptible to wanting more than I need but luckily I keep a firm budget for decorating (it’s not a priority for me, so it’s not a big part of our spending) and I right my mind and get creative. I really investigate what elements of a pin are most attractive to me and if I’m honest with myself, it’s usually only one thing or one feeling that makes me crazy for the whole photo. After I’ve solved that, shopping is less stressful and I take my time for a good deal.

• Oh, I’m totally picking up what you’re putting down! I like that you call that feeling “having a case of the wants.” It feels like I’m in a deep funk to me whenever I go into one of my favorite stores (think big red bullseye) and I come out with some groceries and a feeling like I wish I would have just cruised the home aisles, too. Even though I KNOW I don’t need more “accessories”–“the wants” creates a snowball effect.

• Yes, I have found this to be true. Buying new rugs for my living room and dining room last year turned into buying a new ottoman as well. I don’t regret it whatsoever, but it’s not what I set out to do. Design is my passion, and it’s a struggle to accept my circumstances and do with less than the picture I have in my mind. I’ve learned, though, that being forced to take my time has worked in my favor. My ideas evolve over time, and when I do add things, they’re things that I really like (and will like), not trendy items that I purchased on a whim. I haven’t had the money to full-on decorate any room in our current house (except the baby’s room), but I love how it’s very slowly coming together, mostly with hand-me-downs and thrifted items.

  It is really hard seeing pictures of other people’s places that are perfectly put together. I always think that if my house was “finished”, I would be so much happier and able to focus my energy on other things instead. I’m not sure that’s actually true, though — I’d probably still find something to want. In some ways it would be easier to completely withdraw and not look at beautiful pictures anymore, but then I’d miss out on some good inspiration.

• I’m going to suggest Give Me Gratitude or Give Me Debt http://momastery.com/blog/2014/08/11/give-liberty-give-debt/
  This is profound.

• We have a 3k sq foot house and I’ve been dr examining of downsizing, although DH says no way and we love the neighborhood. The dining room is totally empty and the living room just has a couch. While every so often I think that we should furnish it, I actually really like having the empty space. The kids are quick to fill it with toys, but we can easily clean up. Less furniture = less dusting and upkeep.

  I agree about avoiding Pinterest and other inspiration sites. For the same reason I don’t watch cooking shows because I think too much about food.

  My current want is a new laptop as the old one has minutes left of decent working function.

  • Autocorrect strikes again…meant dreaming of downsizing

• Hi Rachel,

  I’m a long time reader, first time commenter- love your blog and this is such a great post. This is it’s something I definitely struggle with too. The more I look at magazines & Pinterest (oh Pinterest!), and I browse A LOT, the less satisfied I am with our home. It doesn’t matter how many times someone complements us on how nice it’s looking, I always know it would be better if we had X or did Y.

  I think this links back to the general concepts of being thankful for what you do have instead of craving what you don’t, and understanding what is ‘enough’. Difficult to master, especially when the society we live in demands perfection and offers consumerism at every turn, but I suppose the good thing is being conscious of it. Things have definitely improved since I became ‘minimal-ish’, I’ll keep working at it and hopefully get the hang of it one day!

  As a side note, I always get a bit confused with American style square footage measurements for homes (I’m English) and just figured ours out as 880sq ft. Most of the blogs I read mention figures at least double this- yikes!

  Keep posting! x

  • I worked out the measurements for our house too, as I had no idea how big the measurements I was reading about on blogs were…turns out that our 3 bedroom house (which we have no plans to upsize from, even if we have children- it’s probably actually a bit big for just two of us!) is about 1000sq ft….I find it hard to imaging some of the larger sizes of houses I sometimes read about!

• So true! I definitely feel like I’ve detoxed from “house want” – I stopped watching HGTV, unsubscribed from Real Simple, and am definitely wondering how I used to spend all that time! I’m not someone who’s largely invested in that stuff, and that’s okay. Not everyone has to be an amateur decorator. Now I need to work on detoxing from personal shopping. I spend way too much time on Amazon or store websites wanting clothes and other items. If it doesn’t occur to me to want it in the normal course of my daily life, I can probably do without it, right?

• I notice it, but I’ve become good at resisting it. I browse A LOT. Shopping was a bit activity in my family, so even though I’ve gone minimalist, I still browse because I’m figuring out still how else I’d rather spend my time. I see things I like but can usually resist by picturing it in my home and asking myself if I really want the added clutter, or I use my other method of putting things in my basket, but walking around long enough to put back the impulse items. The biggest thing that makes me want to redecorate is the season. I have mostly lighter colors that are feeling a bit cold with the change in weather. I think I’m just going to have a few accessories that I’ll switch out with the change from warm to cool weather.

  • Erin – so interesting to hear that you browse a lot but resist the temptation to buy.

• Really interesting. I reached a point in my recovery from shopaholicism (it certainly felt like a real thing) where I needed to say, “That’s it – no more new stuff.” And I’ve stuck to it.

  It doesn’t include essentials of course (or a £10 monthly craft materials spend), but as far as new home decor and pretty bits and bobs go… I’m done.

  Now when that “I want…” urge strikes, I satisfy it by making something. If I get a crush on a particular colour, I’ll make a picture for my wall in that shade. It really works for me.

  Thanks for the honest and interesting post x

• Definitely! Lowe’s is a relative danger zone for me. Go in there and you come out thinking your whole house could use some changes. This is when I really have to remind myself what it is I really want my home to be.

• After 10 years, two houses, and the trauma of trying to sell a house in rural America post-recession, we are renting again. Where we lived didn’t offer us what we needed (a good school for Kiddo, grad school for me, less travel for Husband), so we made the bold decision to move ourselves from New England to the Pacific Northwest. We’d already been on a mission to simplify our lives and possessions, to take a more minimalist approach, so we sold or donated about 1/3 of our stuff in the year leading up to our move this last summer. The things that did need replacing, like Kiddo’s bed, we wanted to be deliberate about. Used but high quality was the goal.

  In the process a funny thing happened, and you described it so well: I let the standards for home decor set by certain bloggers and Pinterest and Martha Stewart (just to name a few) get into my head. I soon realized I was letting that Keeping Up with the Joneses mindset that once led to debt and a basement full of stuff (with which comes the associated stress and anxiety) reenter my life. Tchachkies started to fill the mantel and unnecessary throw pillows piled on the couch. Before long a home decor hangover set in.

  Only, this time I’m more in control of the impulse to upgrade perceived imperfections and nip it in the bud. Thanks, in large part, to following your journey and reading your wisdom over the years. Although I’m not immune to outside influences, I can better put them into perspective. Most often it’s not really about wanting another throw pillow; it’s a way to ignore feelings of inadequacy or discontent. These days, I deal with those feelings rather than let them spiral. Taking a break from Pinterest and home decor blogs helps significantly.

  Thank you for a great post. So often they hit home for me.

  • Sarah – my friend Vee wrote a post about her second cycle of purging after moving back to Australia. It was such a good thing to hear: it’s easy to fall back into bad habits or lose our way for a time. Easy and nothing to feel terrible about. As you wrote, it’s easier the second, or third, or fourth go around to get yourself back to where you really want to be.
    So I’m stopping now! 🙂

• Browsing is like an addictive drug, you think it’s helping but it can just make things worse in terms of your emotions and inner-peace and the bank balance. I try to avoid it otherwise it’s “I didn’t know I couldn’t live without it until I saw it!”

  Sometimes visiting others, seeing their “perfectly decorated” homes with plenty of storage space can give me pangs of envy. Which I quickly know to push away in my mind. After all, it’s always good to come home to your own space, as it’s “home” and gives me a sense of peace and comfort when I open the door…even if it’s not the way I want it. At least not yet….

  • “Browsing is like an addictive drug, you think it’s helping but it can just make things worse in terms of your emotions and inner-peace and the bank balance. ” Maria you said it perfect! Now if I can just stop browsing my life would be so much better. How do I do that?

    • Maria is so wise :).

      • Ahh, thank you Rachel! I learned the hard way and know that “browsing” can spiral into deep trouble for me. “Need” and “want” are very close by definition for me – to the point where I can convince myself they are technically the same thing, which is dangerous. But I’ve learned – quality over quantity. I keep a strict list of what I am looking for – exactly what I am looking for – and then save up for it. Plus I try to shop “like a guy” – know what you want, get to the store with blinders on to everything else, get said item, and get out as fast as possible. Cheers!

• I prefer to take the DIY-ing process slowly, even though it might drive some people a little crazy to keep a project going a long time. It helps me avoid rushing out to buy lots of wants versus needs whenever I take on a new project. I definitely struggle with wanting more as I search for whatever the new space actually requires and I almost always struggle with price tags.

  • Good advice on taking your time with DIY-ing. I’ve felt some urgency to get our living room ‘done’ with the baby arriving and wanting some down time before.
    Trying to have more patience and just get a few things done for now.

• Yes, so agree with you! It seems whenever I go to the thrift store, I can ALWAYS find something useful. But do I need it? Obviously not that much, since I hadn’t thought of it before. So I try to only go shopping whenI have an actual NEED. And a need has to constitute something that I have MULTIPLE times found myself really suffering without it. Then, I will start looking for a steal of a deal on it. 🙂

• So true! You’re wise to realize it and stop browsing. I find the same principle applies to virtually everything: clothes, homes, cars. We’re always comparing and seldom satisfied as long as we feel there is something “better” just outside our grasp. Get what you need and accept that if it functions well for you and you use it then it is the right choice and stop looking.

  • We’re always comparing and seldom satisfied as long as we feel there is something “better” just outside our grasp.

    So true, Cheryl.

• Firstly so pleased to have a post ping through! yay! Hope all good with you Guys?

  It must be that time of year. I know you are ‘nesting’ but each time I hit Autumn (Fall) I start giving our home a facelift. If you are on Instagram you will see my recent purchase. A bench for our hall. I slept on it (not the actual bench) for 7 nights before making the purchase. But we had a space to fill, so fill it we did. And as it’s ‘useful’ as well as ‘beautiful’ (kids can sit to put shoes on) – it made me much happier with the purchase.

  But as you say quite rightly, it leads to wanting more. I saw other items that I would like, and new items to refresh old things that we have. Now I’m not a shopper and never have been, so if it can affect me it can grab hold of anyone.

  One thing we have done which reduces spend (in some cases) is we have switched our rooms around. So they seem like new rooms a little. But that’s kind of led to thinking about redecorating. Guess I can’t win.

  take care and I’ll be in touch soon x

  • Oh I would be so happy to have bench for sitting to put shoes on in our front hall. Sadly, there isn’t space for one (very small old terrace house) so we sit on the stairs.
    I noticed that furniture and decor sales really ramped up over the summer for places like John Lewis and Marks & Spencer’s. Then they stopped near the end of August. Those savvy companies must know we’re all in nesting and home improvement mode once the schools are back in and the weather turns.
    Like the idea of switching rooms around to freshen things up without buying anything new. I actually did that quite a bit with our old place and it really helped.
    All good here and Henry is loving school. Hope your two are settling in to new classrooms and you’re enjoying the new routine + some well deserved time to yourself. Cheers, Rachel

• We just bought a giant home (at least giant to me at 2200 sq. ft.) and have extra space to “fill”. I had already sort of planned what I wanted to do, and it just so happened that my sister will be downsizing for a major cross country or across the ocean move, which means I have little to buy. Plus, I’m just letting some spaces be bare for now. For me, when I browse Craigslist or the like, it’s usually for items I have honed in on. Being a perfectionist, I’ve gotten good at browsing since I’m looking for the EXACT thing, not a substitute. Where I do get the “wants” is when it comes to renovations. OY! We’ve already installed a ceiling fan and light where there was no light source in our living room. But that turned into scraping the popcorn off the ceiling…which will turn into more popcorn scraping and retexturing…which is turning into wanting to paint and get new flooring…and remodeling the fireplace. When it comes to home renovations, we have a hard time finding a stopping point!

  • Funny how 2200 sq ft feels huge to you but other families your size would be itching for more space.
    Good for you for keeping some rooms bare for now. Our place is just over 1000 sq ft and while it’s now mostly furnished I’ve really tried to keep things to a minimum. I hate the look of crammed rooms. Right now the master bedroom has just a bed, one night stand and we have the glider in there ready for baby #3.
    Popcorn ceiling: we have that in our place back in Vancouver. I found it to be a real eye sore but I never had the money or motivation to do anything about it.

    • Our house is about 2200 square feet and WAY too big for us now that we have just one kid at home instead of three (plus 2 dogs, a cat and a gerbil), so we’re getting ready to downsize next spring or early summer (we’re purging, painting, etc. now).

      We mentioned this to a friend who said, “Are you kidding? I live by myself in 2600 square feet and don’t think my house is too big.” That’s hard for me to imagine.

• I’ve definitely been feeling the same way! There are always little changes that add up that will make the place feel that much more refreshed. And don’t even thing about stepping into the high end places! I forgot to look at prices!

  • Yes, lots of little things, even second hand, add up. I’ve had some fun with the decorating but it’s taken up so much time. Time that I would like to use for other things.

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