My first born and third born on their first birthdays. Note the homemade monkey smash cake for #1 and the simple cupcakes made with assistance of second born for #3’s first birthday. You’re just as loved third baby but mama has less baking time and way less ambition.
This no-gift birthday was harder to pull off than the first.
Why? His brothers. Older and wiser siblings sure do create more challenges for doing no-gifts. In the continued attempt to keep it real when sharing my own story, our oldest claimed that he couldn’t make a birthday gift for his brother and that presents had to be new and from the store.
Oh dear, kid. I won’t tell you how much of your train set, the one you’ve been collecting for three years, is the no longer loved castoffs from kids in London that I bought off eBay.co.uk.
So yeah, we’re still working on why second hand is great. And my kids like toy stores and new stuff. We’re not minimalist super stars but we’re always trying.
Our third born’s first birthday was a very low-key immediate family only affair. With the five of us, it felt like plenty. We made cupcakes, we sang, he ate a cupcake. My oldest forgot about the whole gift thing and I let him keep forgetting. I think some Grandma’s might have gifts for him at a later date but the actual birthday was celebrated simply and it felt like enough.
It won’t always be this way. Actually, it isn’t always this simple with our family. Our oldest was feted many times for his recent birthday. There was a present and celebration on the day. I whipped up a breakfast ‘birthday cake’ that morning that used a banana as a sugar substitute and was cooked in the microwave. Not winning any Pinterest awards with that and I thought it tasted awful. The older two were, however, thrilled to be eating cake with their breakfast and they loved it. And there were two actual parties, one with family and one with his schoolmates. It was a lot. For the schoolmate party we made pizza and cupcakes, the kids mostly ran around and played and we asked that people bring a $2 coin instead of a traditional gift. For family we had lunch and cake.
Aiming for minimalism doesn’t mean not celebrating. In our plans, it doesn’t always mean no gifts either.I’ve been thinking about this a lot after talk with Evelyn over at the Smallish Blog (more on that to come).
We are in a golden age with the kids for certain events. I loved Halloween this year and it’s traditionally been a holiday I don’t look forward to. But this year, three little guys in costume for two days straight, looking adorable and oh so excited, it was a joy. Their wonder and excitement was infectious. I don’t want to miss out on that because I know it’s not here forever.
So, our Christmas this year won’t be a no-gift Christmas. We haven’t quite settled on logistics but it will be full of joy and family and children that are thrilled with activities and fun, and yes, some gifts. Because I’m holding onto this magic for as long as it’s here.
How do you celebrate the early birthdays? Now that we have older kids I really think those early years are a gift: keep it so simple until they actually ask for something.
Haha! Love this. I wanted to do the same, and even suggested it to my six year old, but he was having none of it.
Happy First to your third! 🙂 Loved this post AND talking to you!
I know that there are a ton of suggestions for simple gifts out there, but I wanted to share where we have come with Christmas. We’ve been working on simple gifts for nearly 14 years now and have kiddos 14, 10, 6.
Christmas gifts in our home consist of one thing for each of them that is practical and we may have bought anyway, but with a little flourish. A new pair of pajamas (but with a unicorn for my daughter who has gotten nothing but plain pajama hand-me-downs). A piece of athletic equipment, but the one with a cool pattern, instead of the cheaper black one. A piece of camping equipment, but just for that child (child size canoe paddle, specialized pack, etc.). One year one of my children got two pairs of pants that were their favorite and couldn’t be found anywhere (ebay was good to me that year) in the next size.
I then sometimes add something little for fun (bouncy ball, simple art supply, Chinese yo-yo or something equally simple, but with hours of fun). The art supplies are my favorite because they get used up at some point.
It’s been really hard trying to keep things simple with siblings. Each sibling wants to do something nice for the others. It’s very sweet, but can get pretty crazy as far as gifts go. Some of the things they’ve done for each other that have worked out well include the oldest making a monthly comic for each siblings for the year. They’ve written and illustrated books for each other, sometimes getting fancy and buying these: http://www.barebooks.com/ They’ve made coupons for making the bed for the other, foot rubs, washing dishes, etc. They’ve also made games with great effort and some have turned out to be pretty fun to play!
Grandparents/extended family are another challenge. Some members of the family have seem relieved that they don’t have to worry about gifts and instead just enjoy being with the children. Some are so excited to give something like a family museum membership or put money toward lessons of the child’s choosing (supporting mostly activities that they are already involved in). There is one special family member that feels strongly about gift giving, but has honored the idea of getting the children something they really want or need. (Special pieces of clothing, a special puzzle, art supplies, equipment to fix a bike, whatever matches where the child is at at the time and very respectfully discussed with us.) Coming to an understanding with extended family can take a LONG time, in some cases, but it’s worth working on.
It’s a challenge to keep it simple. A constant challenge. It’s not easy for me either when there is that amazing toy that I’d know they would love or a beautiful set of colored pencils for the artist or whatever. But, it makes our holiday fun, simple and affordable. (My husband and I don’t do gifts for each other, although when we go holiday grocery shopping, we will often each sneak in a little treat for the other.) Overall, it is difficult in this culture, but it is worth it to find what you are comfortable with and work to make whatever you choose a success.
We’ve had a great time for birthday parties asking for art supplies, stickers and other simple things. We do small low-key parties with good food, family, sometimes a couple of friends. People all seem relieved to have something specific and small to bring (as am I when we do birthdays with others).
Simple is so nice. I haven’t gone all the way to no gifts at all, but my 4 year old had a no-gift friends party this year. That left more time for playing! Since her actual birthday was three days before the party, I was able to convince her that she was opening her presents at home on her birthday so she wouldn’t be opening at her party, and she accepted that logic. This Christmas I’ve convinced her she only gets to ask Santa for one gift. She decided on a stuffed penguin, and I’m thrilled. (Santa will also bring stocking stuffers of a mini Lego set, hair accessories, and candy). I want her to be giving, so I’m having her give a Christmas present to her 2 year old sister. We walked around the toy store last week and I asked her if she wanted to buy a toy or make something. She picked make something! Then she came up with the idea of making a doll blanket. I”m so proud of her.
Anyway, thank you for your inspiration. I love that your children are only a year or two older than mine and I get to hear your perspectives as life changes. It’s so refreshing to say “this is enough”.
We do simple birthdays in our house too. I love our simple celebrations with cake and dinner of the birthday person’s choosing. When my children are invited to another child’s party we either get a card or make a card then put $10, $20 if they’re related to us, in the card for the child to spend how they want.
What do you do for gifts when you or your children are invited to a birthday party? I grew up in a home where we just went out and bought some random age-appropriate toy and a card, and wrapped it up. But I have no clue what is the ‘norm’ these days, much less what minimalist-leaning families do!
(Forgive me if you’ve addressed this before)
I love that you said minimalism doesn’t mean not celebrating. This is the first holiday season we (husband and I) are specifically telling our families we won’t be doing gifts. I am *so relieved!* Of course, at the end of it all, husband and I will still exchange a gift with each other, but I am not worried about it. No stress to find the perfect gift for him; no pressure on spending a certain amount. I can find something small that he’ll like, write a cute card, and that’s that. We’ve decided to focus more on charity and spending time with people we love (including each other!!)
Happy birthday to your child!
Hi Meyli,
We follow the birthday child’s gift guidelines. I always ask parents directly what the child would want or if they have a gift suggestion for us. It’s starting to become more acceptable here to do things like a toonie party: you ask guest to bring just a $2 coin for the birthday kid. That’s what we did this year for our oldest’s party. It’s also common to ask for no gifts for a small donation to the child’s charity/organization of choice, like the Aquarium. But if a parent tells me the child would be thrilled with a Paw Patrol toy, we get them that.
Well done on arranging a new gift system with your family. It really does relieve a lot of pressure. I remember the first year my siblings and I bought gifts for a need family instead of each other. We had a much more enjoyable shopping experience! And everyone felt good about the money spent.
Cheers,
Rachel