Better Than Before

Are you a productivity book junkie?

I am. Not necessarily for the one reason you would think. While I am often working on better allocating my time, I think the biggest draw for me with productivity books is that they reveal so much about the human condition. That we’re different than each other but often similar. That most of us carry the same flaws or quirks with how we think about our time or how we misuse it. That people who we think of as successful or highly productive might have a few tricks up their sleeve, some of them born into them and others fought for.

When Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project and Happier at Home fame, released her latest book titled Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, I was curious. Would she reveal anything I hadn’t already read? Would the information be packaged differently than any of the other dozen or so books I have read on mastering habits?

Here’s a truth I have found about a lot of nonfiction books: they’re all saying the same thing. They often just say it in a different way that clicks for you. When I think back to my days as an athlete I recall the dozens of way a coach would try to get across the same point: verbal and visual. Sometimes there would be a diagram on the board, or a phrase or a physical motion or having the athlete write the point down in their own words in a training journal. Same end goal for the athlete but a dozen different ways to get the teaching point across.

So friends, it’s okay if you’ve read three books about decluttering or minimalism or better sleep, and you’re still working towards your goal. If one book clicked for everyone the nonfiction section would be sparse.

Parts I liked from Gretchen Rubin’s Better than Before:

The Four Tendencies: are you an Upholder, Obliger, Rebel or Questioner? This was the most helpful section of the book for me. I’m an Obliger with some Upholder in me and I’m married to a Rebel. I’m good at keeping external commitments but often struggle keeping commitments to myself. I think I was more Upholder than Obliger before kids but now, I tend to come last because I feel like I don’t have many hours for myself. *Okay, I truly don’t have many hours to myself. Obligers are often shacked up with Rebels because they enjoy the Rebel’s dismissal of conventions.

Not surprisingly, I signed up for a spring half marathon while reading Better than Before. I’ve just started running again and after seeing that I’m an Obliger, I knew that I needed some external commitments to keep running. So I signed up for a race and my friend signed up too. The friend part is key. If it was just me signed up I think there is a good chance I wouldn’t train for it and just eat the entry fee. I’m training with said friend and when she is expecting to see me at 6am for a 7km loop along the seawall, I know I will not turn my alarm off and sleep through my running time. This Obliger needs the training partner and the goal (half-marathon) to keep her habits in check.

Identifying myself as an Obliger was hard to accept. Pre-kids I trained for marathons and half marathons solo. I didn’t have much trouble getting out of bed to workout, even if I was going on my own or there was no race on my schedule. But my life has changed and I’ve changed too.

Rubin interviews and coaches friends that are Questioners, Rebels and Obligers in the book and those stories are very useful. They run throughout the book so if you are losing interest in a particular section but were interested in say, her journalist friend with the messy apartment or how her sister is changing habits to keep her Type 1 Diabetes in check, keep reading. I wish there was actually more from her friends that she interviewed and mentored for better habits. Their struggles were universal and the results were often surprising. I would have enjoyed a few pages from their point of view.

Be Yourself. This is Rubin’s mantra, be Gretchen, and I really appreciated it. She doesn’t feel any embarrassment about saying she doesn’t like to travel or listen to music or try new foods. It was refreshing to hear someone say these things because we so often hear that it’s best to like everything and be open to trying new things. I don’t like traveling with young children since we moved from being a three person family to a four person family, and recently a five person family. I’ve felt some pressure the last few years that I was supposed to love traveling with very young children and babies. But I don’t. It’s a lot of work and I, and some of my kids, are very finicky sleepers. When we’re out of our beds and routines we don’t sleep well and no sleep makes me very grumpy and usually results in me getting a cold and then, if we’re still not getting a lot of sleep, a sinus infection. None of that makes for a fun travel experience. So, be Rachel. Don’t travel much while the kids are young and own it.

Remembering to be myself helps me identify a habit that I actually want to pursue instead of picking ones that I just think I should pursue. This is an important point in the book and one I wish she had spent more time on with her habit experiments.

Parts I didn’t like from Gretchen Rubin’s Better than Before:

Rubin is an Upholder. Upholders are pretty rare and they don’t have a lot of trouble keeping good habits. This is a very personal book and Rubin is sharing a lot of her life and her tendencies. But as an Upholder, her struggled didn’t seem that real to this Obliger. Rubin started a habit of meditating, which is wonderful, but Rubin has already kept up a very consistent routine of health habits that are enviable. The meditating seemed like the cherry on top. If you’re someone picking up a book on habits, you’re likely looking for bigger picture habits like carving out more sleep, healthier eating, regular exercise, more pockets of time for family or work. It’s true, perhaps making a daily habit of five minutes of meditation could unlock those other areas for you but, that’s a leap of faith to someone that is struggling to find the time to walk 10,000 steps a day or cook at home more often.

Another piece I felt some unease with is that the book feels heavily focused on weight. Now, Rubin explains early on that this is her beauty and health marker for herself, that some people fret over wrinkles or their hair color or some other physical aspect of themselves but for her, her weight is her number barometer of her health and physical appearance. I’m less concerned about the last 15 lbs or being a certain size, than I am about my blood pressure, a good cholesterol profile and having good endurance and strength. Even as a marker for feeling physically attractive, I prefer how I look when I’m a bit heavier on the scale but in great condition from running and Crossfit, lots of sleep and eating well. Obviously this is a personal preference but I’m sharing it as part of my review.

Should you read Better than Before?

If you’re struggling with habits it is worth the read for the sections on different tendencies and her case studies with her friends habits. If you’ve already mastered some bigger habits and want to fine tune, I’m not sure this book is for you. If you’re a fan of productivity books I’d suggest Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours over this book because it has more data and is less anecdote-y.

I’m still a big Gretchen Rubin fan but this was not my favorite book of hers. It’s good, but not great. For her best stuff check out her website, GretchenRubin.com, for her blog, free resources and a link to her website.

Anyone else read Better than Before? What did you think? Have you read her other books and how did they compare in your opinion?