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bye bye Facebook and some links

by theminimalistmom |

I deleted my Facebook account.

Spurred on by a lot of things like the time I spent on it, the fairly hollow connections with a lot of people I didn’t even want to see in real life, I deleted my account two days ago. I’ll have a longer write up at some point on the shallow well of voyeurism, gossip and 20 minutes a day of time wastage that Facebook had become for me.

For now know this: the world has not ended because I can’t update my Facebook status. I’m already feeling less tethered to the Internet. My goal to use the Internet for good, not evil, seems more attainable than ever.

The irony: I would like to make a Facebook page for this blog. Yes, I want to use Facebook to connect with other minimalists and minimalist hopefuls. Just a page, no account or profile for me personally.

Here are some posts I enjoyed this week:

Faith at Minimalist at Home calls herself and the rest of us out on Internet usage and how it affects our family.*This put me over the edge on deciding to delete my Facebook account. Thank Faith!

Got tools? Check out this post at Rethinking the Dream about their tool purge. This is also a great blog if you are thinking of taking the leap and downsizing from a house to an apartment. This family is doing just that. Good posts and photos of room by room purges.

Have a great weekend and remember to unplug!!

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  • I just deleted my Facebook account! Your articles has motivated & inspired to do so much more than spend my life on Facebook. Thank you for being a catalyst for good change!

  • This may seem a dumb question, but I also would dearly love to delete my facebook account but I have a page to advertise my art which I would love to keep…so my question, is it actually possible to delete ones account while keeping the page?

    I would love to know if there is. 🙂

    Love this blog, I’ve been reading for more than an hour today…:)

    • Not sure about the keeping a page but deleting the account it is linked to. Can you make someone else the admin of the page? That might be a way to keep it going and then delete your profile. I started a page for this blog but it is just a page and I don’t have a full account. The downside to this is that I can’t comment on other pages – which I would like to do because there are a few writers/groups that have great discussions on their Facebook pages.

      Sorry I don’t have a real answer. 🙁 But good luck and thanks for reading!

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  • I too follow a few bloggs as and when things come up. The best thing i ever read by a blogger was ‘dont be me’. They were saying you are not me so dont be me, dont try and follow everything i say and dont try and do it either, just take the bits that enrich your life and do that. I do have a FB account, but the other day i deleted all the so called friends from work because they are not my friends, they are random people i work with. I have nothing against any of them but some of them i have rarely met. It was so empowering that im thinking of going back and deleting all the hanger-ons, the friends of friends that i dont even know.

  • But surely FB is no different then this??? Where once i would spend 3 hours a day on FB now i spend it either blogging or following someone else. I have about 170 friends on my FB but about half are immediate or extended family and its also good to see what my children are up to as one by one they have gone off to university and then onto their lives.

    • This is a great point. Thanks for posting it here.
      I guess it’s all about how you view the time you spend online and if you feel it is something that is enriching or relaxing to you. I follow about a dozen blogs and also write here 2-3 times a week. I tend to skim through blog headlines on a reader and don’t read every post from every blog. I view the time I spend writing for this blog to be a) helpful to continuing on with a less consumer driven life and connecting me to interesting folk for interesting discussions (like this) and b) I’m working at freelancing so writing here helps me sharpen my skills.
      For me, blogging and reading other blogs helps me do the things I want to do with my time away from the computer. Facebook, on the other hand, had become something I checked or surfed when I was procrastinating or having trouble focusing. I was slacking on friendships because I felt like I had checked in by seeing status updates and photos on Facebook.
      Thanks for bringing this point up. We all have vices with Internet use. I’m really trying to keep my ‘connected’ time in check these day.

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  • I’ve pondered deleting my facebook account, for similar reasons to yours, but for some reason find it very hard to leave! I think I’ll make my account inactive as a trial run, to convince myself that, yes, life will go on without status updates. Thanks for being the final straw I needed, because I’m sure I will be better off without facebook!

  • I can’t believe how many people found Facebook an uncomfortable environment like I did. Never mind the behind the scenes “personal info” they are collecting about you and your likes. I just recently quit for 3 major reasons. 1) When somebody puts a status update they are not personally communicating with me; maybe they friended me just to be nice and when I respond to an update of theirs do they really want to connect with ME? 2) The hours a week is sucked from my life has been replaced by learning guitar 3) Friending people you haven’t spoken to in 15 years (out of just being nice) and they suddenly know a lot about you and decide they want to come stay with you for the weekend.
    I’ve decided I want to be more elusive.
    I applaud your efforts for ridding yourself of Facebook. My addiction was pretty bad so I had to go one stop further and unfriend everybody before I deactivated my account so I wouldn’t be tempted to reactivate. If I were to reactivate now I’d have to ask everybody to be my friends all over again.

  • I find it pretty easy to use FB minimally. I only get on when someone has left me a message (even then, I’ll often wait a week or so before replying) or I want to post pics for my family to see. No games, no status updates, no IM, and I’m very selective about accepting friend invites. I think FB is what you make of it.

    • It’s true, FB is what you make of it.
      I was making it a time suck.
      It’s good to hear from people that are casual users, not obsessive checkers, of Facebook. My husband doesn’t seem to have a problem with it and will go weeks without logging in.

  • I quit FB almost two years ago. I wasn’t invited to my HS reunion, or at any rate they didn’t try to track down any non-FBers so I didn’t know about it. The next day my husband (who has a FB account) told me about it. Ha.

    I’m wondering if you can find a friend to do your FB page for you?

  • I am jealous.

    I’ve wanted to quit facebook for quite some time now (and get back to real social interaction through phone calls, brunch and long emails as opposed to short wall posts). My dilemma…I manage a few pages for my company – I am not sure how to manage them without a facebook account.

    It is a little ironic that I started reading your blog through your facebook posts.

    • Isn’t it even more ironic that I want to create a Facebook page for this blog and am locked out of Facebook??

      I see the challenge when it’s tied to work. There must be some kind of work around – create another profile under a different email address and then pass admin rights to the pages to the new account?

      From what I was seeing on Facebook life looks pretty good for you. Congrats again on the running!!

    • Good for you =)
      I have quite a few friends not on Facebook. They refuse to join. And, without exception, all of them are interesting people with hobbies and great social lives. Shining examples to me that you don’t need a Facebook account to connect with people.

  • I hate Facebook, oh yes I do. But I rejoined a couple of months ago and I’m using it selectively. I have 8 friends–6 relatives, 1 former student, and my best friend. I’ve been working on a slide scanning project, so it serves as a way for me to let my cousins know when I’ve uploaded new photos to my Flickr page that they might be interested in. It allows me to keep up with my former student and it gives me another way to interact with my best friend (even though we email each other up to 6 times a day because we have a blog together). Just as I selectively watch TV, I think there’s a chance that I’ll keep this highly selective use of Facebook–perhaps even after the slide scanning project ends. Like most things in life, there are two keys: 1) moderation and 2) using the tool instead of letting it use you.

    • Like most things in life, there are two keys: 1) moderation and 2) using the tool instead of letting it use you.

      The above is the crux of my issue. I was checking it too often and it was using me. I could see some day rejoining if I felt I could use it in a manner similar to yours.

      Thanks for your comments!

  • I think you are completely right. My problem is that since I’m a stay at home mom and don’t get out much, the internet is my main source for adult interaction (sad but true). How can I learn to let go of facebook, blogs, etc?

    • Hi Beth,
      I understand where you are coming from. I get out a lot now that my son is older but in his newborn days I felt like my iPod Touch was my lifeline to sanity.
      I’d suggest starting with seeing how much time you are spending on the Internet. Write it down for a day.
      What other things can you do from home to take a moment from yourself? Read, five minutes of stretching or Yoga (seriously, it helps), some other hobby. Can you get out in the evening once a week for some time alone or visiting friends? I’ve found that if I get real adult time – not a coffee with other moms with kids in tow but a visit with just adults – it really refreshes me.
      I’m far from perfect in this are but one thing that has helped is that I keep my computer shut and in another room when my son is awake. I’m working on getting back into freelance writing – I wake up a few hours before my son and send query letters, write, check a few blogs and email. Once my son is up for the day I put the computer away until he is down for his afternoon nap.
      Good luck!

  • I have been playing with simplifying for a long time, but I’m just now starting to seriously work towards minimalism. I’m starting with my physical surroundings, and in small ways with my internet involvement.

    I don’t think I’m ready to delete my Facebook account yet. For me, it’s become very tied up in my own blog, since I never got around to creating a Facebook fan page. When I think about getting rid of it, I feel sort of scared. Although that maybe is telling me I should. I guess I can take my time and slowly work my way towards my own solution, right?

    • Thanks for commenting, Amber. Checked out your blog – nice to meet another local trying to simplify.
      I don’t think it’s a bad thing to use Facebook. For me, I felt a compulsion to log on more than I wanted to. I was ‘friends’ with a lot of people that weren’t part of my life. I wasn’t using it as a forum to communicate or get feedback – it was just mindless surfing.
      If you’re using it for good, not evil, as I say, then keep your account.

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  • I deleted about 6 months ago, when it occurred to me it didn’t enhance my quality of life what so ever. If someone is really a “friend” then I rather meet face to face for a glass(es) of wine or a meal – or just hang out at home with some wine…okay so this isn’t about the wine, it’s about actually being with people – isn’t that friendship?
    So, good for you!

    A.

  • I deleted my facebook account ( or ego book as my partner and I call it) a few weeks ago. Slowly through the year I had deleted “friends” and people I felt I did not need to be connected to in that way. I am so much happier now that I do not have this distraction in my life. I believe that “true” friendships are the ones we nurture, through sending a birthday card or making a call, not posting “happy birthday” on a wall to be lost with the other 150 greetings. I was also bothered by the amount of uncensoring I saw. Mountains of personal family snaps and comments, hurtful remarks said in “jest”. Times where I found myself creeping people I did not even know! It is disheartening to sit on a bus and watch an adult, child sitting beside them, distracted by FB while their child is talking, asking questions, the parent too busy to pay attention. It is sadly so prevalent. I got rid of my cell phone 3 months ago….another decision I do not regret.

    • Good for you!
      You’re description of the mom on the bus is spot on what I am trying to avoid. I don’t want my son thinking my iPhone deserves more attention than him.
      I’ve now heard of a few people getting rid of cell phones or just sharing one for use with the household. Not sure I am ready for that leap yet.

  • This was the push I needed. I’ve been thinking about deleting my account for over a year now, but you convinced me it’s time. I just deleted it. *deep breathe* Thanks for the push!!

    • Woo hoo! Feels great, doesn’t it?
      I’m finding it surprising I waited this long. I have some good friends that have stayed off Facebook – they do interesting things, spend a lot of time with family and friends, have hobbies and in general lead rich lives without the help or hindrance of Facebook. I should have taken a cue from them long ago.

  • I got rid of Facebook also =) I got rid of for a little different reason… I had people trying to log on in a different country with my logon name =/ I don’t like the idea of people being able to try to steal personal information so the less you have out there the less they are tempted to steal right?

    • I heard an interesting story from a friend that received technical support from a call centre in the Phillipines. The call centre rep then friended her on Facebook. Then asked her to send money to her as she had lost her job.
      I love the way the Internet can connect me with family and friends on Skype and email. And I love the way I can connect with other like minded minimalists here on this blog and the other blogs I read. But the downside and the dark side of the Internet are scary.

  • I hope you do create a FB page for your blog. That would be a great way to stay in touch with what other minimalists and “hopefulls” (like me) are doing. This is a great blog and has inspired me in many ways. Much thanks for it!

  • I have come close a few times, and then chickened out. I have family on there, but am sure that if something amazing or tragic happened, I’d hear through a phone call. Maybe this will finally push me over the edge…

  • Thanks, Karen. Your reason to join again was particularly compelling – I hope to not have a reason like that to rejoin but if I did it would make sense.
    Enjoy your book =)

  • I recently unsubscribed from a bunch of blogs (not yours!) and political/activist websites, because I wanted to cut back on the time I spend online. Last year, I stopped visiting sites like yahoo news, because I decided the world will keep turning whether I know the details about every awful situation going on. The only time I really spend online now is for work (about 2 hours a day) and to write my own blog… and Facebook, which I would estimate wastes about 30 minutes a day. I hardly ever post status updates, but I do sometimes share photos via FB. And I find myself sucked into that voyeuristic hole of wasting time reading about what people I haven’t seen in 20 years did last weekend. Bleh. I’ve come so close to deleting the account so many times. Good for you for getting it done!

    • Thanks, Frugal Babe. You’re always an inspiration to me. I’m letting go of a few RSS feeds myself, mostly mom blogs that are rooted in too much snark. I need positive and thought provoking – not bitter and complaining.

    • That post was amazing. I’ve read it at least four times. Brave writing.
      We have other friends that are living full lives and not on Facebook – we can too, right?

  • I hate Facebook. I have an account, but utilize the “hide” feature with about 90% of the “friends” who follow me, and very rarely post to it. It has my contact info and my websites, and I figure if anyone out there really gives a crap about me and what I am into, they will email me or read my blogs, and vice-versa. That’s the only reason for having an account, IMO. Otherwise it is a giant time-suck.

    • I did a lot of “hiding” too.
      I’m interested in having a stronger but smaller network of in real life friends. I think Facebook was letting me slide a bit on genuinely connecting with people. I would see the photos from their trip and not call to hear about how it went. Hoping to change this.

  • How ironic that the e-mail under yours with this post was from FB with the header ‘How to get the most out of Facebook’. I have a personal account, but rarely look at it and hardly ever put a status in now – probably once a fortnight to take a look at what everyone else is up to – its quite nice to see how they are getting on. I stopped ‘liking and commenting’ because of the random e-mails you then get in your inbox if anyone else joins the conversation (apparently you can change your setting to stop this I was told yesterday). I never set up one (well tried to and abandoned half way through) for simplybeingmum – although I may do, jury out on that one – I do Tweet occasionally. I am finding at the mo that my virtual socialising is satisfied with blogging – I get true added value from this, I learn every day and connect with highly like-minded people all across the world – it truly is amazing. and I lurve it 🙂

    • A few months back I changed my profile on Facebook so I didn’t receive any emails about comments or photos. It did help limit my Facebook time but… when a message thread started about a playdate or mom’s night out event I felt compelled to check Facebook more. And thus, more time suckage.
      I too am finding I get more out of reading blogs, getting into a conversation via comments and posting. Particularly because I am mostly reading positive blogs – like yours! – about life simplifying.

  • I quit Facebook in May after coming home from a trip, we had just watched about the dangers of Facebook on the trip so my husband literally deleated them as soon as we walked through the door. I was totally ready to let go of it, it was a total time waster & I love how free I always feel on a trip when I’m not connected to a computer.

  • Rachel, I’ve come this close (imagine fingers pinched really close together) to quitting Facebook. The only reason I haven’t is that I use it to publicize another blog that I run. Honestly though, I can’t even get my RSS feed to update to that Facebook page, so I may be right behind you. And with all the privacy concerns, it’s almost more hassle than it’s worth. I’m glad the world didn’t end for you, I think many think it would.

    Thanks for the link love. Decluttering my tool collection was one of the hardest steps on my path towards minimalism, and I’m happy to have it behind me. I’m hoping to tackle the rest of the garage this weekend.

    • Ha! I’m having the same issue trying to make a Facebook page for this blog. If you figure it out let me know. I was able to use RSS on my personal profile but when I deleted that account and just started a page account I can’t get it to work.

      You tool de-clutter was amazing!

  • I quit FB once. I never really wanted to join, but my 20-year high school reunion was coming up and FB was the means they were using to connect everyone. So I reluctantly signed up and found it interesting to see what everyone was up to since high school. But then more and more people wanted to “friend” me, for one reason or another, and it got too much. So I quit.

    Then about a year later I took a church mission trip with the high school youth group and snapped tons of photos. The easiest way to share the photos with them was through FB, so I joined again. I don’t post status updates, and I don’t mind being FB friends with people I actually communicate with on a daily or weekly basis. It’s convenient. But what bothers me about FB is when people that I consider acquaintances or people who I once knew in 4th grade, etc. send a friend request just out of curiosity or whatever.

    What I think is interesting is that my teenage daughters don’t have FB accounts and they seem to be OK with it. I’ve convinced them that it’s a time suck. I think about deleting my account all the time; maybe I’ll do it again now.

    • Good for you with your daughters. The Internet has changed so much about kids lives. I wonder what it will be like for my son. The advice I get from teacher friends is monitor all computer use and don’t let your children have a computer in the bedroom. Hope we can stick to that.

  • Only 20 minutes a day? I fear I waste more. I did, however, “de-clutter” (ie, delete) a lot of people from my “friend” list recently. If I wouldn’t be excited to get a phone call from someone, out they went. This has minimized (and in reality maximized) my experience to only people I care about, not the kid who I was “friends” with because he sat behind me in the 2nd grade.

    • I de-cluttered friends once too. And then within 48 hours ran into two of them in person. Oops.
      And yes, I probably wasted more time than that. I wasn’t keeping track but I checked it in the morning and in the afternoon. Glad to be rid of that habit.

  • Oh this tempts me. I don’t spend a lot of time on FB updating or even chatting/updating my status/looking at pictures. But oh the games. I can get lost for an hour on my games. Someday…

    • The only video game I’ve ever been into was Euchre on an old Palm Pilot. Guess I am lucky with the games but man, I could waste some time looking at photos of people I barely remember from elementary school.

  • I’ve never really done the whole Facebook thing although I’m considering, like you, a page just for my blog {s}.

  • R:

    Once again you are out there on the edge living it. Thanks for the great links and your insight. I have cancelled my Facebook account three times now. I have renewed it each time, this last attempt lasted almost three months. I found that it is the best way to stay in touch with our children and what is happening in their lives as well as an easy way to reach out and touch them besides their cell phones.

    Keep the good news comin’

    b

  • If I didn’t have so many out-of-town relatives connected to Facebook – I think I would delete my account too. Way too much junk on it anymore.
    Congrats, Lori

      • I totally agree with Marnie. I opened my facebook account when my kids started using it. Just to watch them/there post and the truth is it’s just waste of time and making your life more complicated. I use to have discussions with my kids all the time which affect our relationship. now I am not their friend but I still have account. I am going to delete it soon.

  • Hi Rachel, I don’t spend any time on Facebook, really, unless someone sends me an email message. I never update “my status” (not even sure what that means) but have used Facebook to superficially reconnect with old friends. I say superficially because after one contact or so the interest seems to die down. After all, there’s a reason why we lost touch in the first place.

    I too would like to start a page related to my blog. That to me is a whole other animal and just makes good sense.

    • Yes! There is a reason we lost touch in the first place with those old friends. It’s true, I’ve had some nice email back and forth with some old high school friends. It even spurred me on to stop in at an old friend’s store and see her. That is the good part of Facebook but I found it was few and far between.

  • I deleted over a year ago and it’s been great. There are some things I sort of miss it for but I believe like everything else in life there are good and bad aspects to Facebook and for me the bad far outweighed the good.

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