A phrase is often running through my head as I try to herd my young kids out the door: go slow to go fast.
I first came across the concept in a Design Mom interview of Julie Sparrow (her blog The Monied is lighthearted examination of finances and investing). The mother of four was saying that she wished someone had told her that to go fast with young kids you need to first go slow.
The phrase has stuck with me since I first read it. As I’m yelling/urging/cajoling/bribing children to put shoes on I try to take a deep breath, stop looking at the clock and focus on the small person in front of me that has just taken his shorts off when we have seven minutes to be somewhere. It’s not easy. It’s not easy but it does seem to work.
So right now I’m going very very slow. We are back in Vancouver. We made the long journey home even longer by going slow to go fast. We did the trip over two days and three airports instead of one day and two airports + a long bus ride. I wondered after we booked the tickets if we had made a big mistake. Would it be slow torture with an extra airport and an overnight hotel stay between flights? Was this milk-run going to leave us even more shattered on the other end?
Taking the slow road from the UK to Vancouver really was the best choice with three children five and under. There was time to blow off steam between flights and we weren’t rushed during flight transfers even when there was delays. Everyone got a good night of sleep the night before we left because we left for the airport at the very civil hour of 8am. Even the nine hour flight, one that I had been dreading, went smoothly (iPads, crayons, sticker books and my new super awesome only to be used in emergencies weapon: lollipops, all helped). They were on local time soon after we arrived.
Got small children? Go slow to go fast.
What piece of parenting advice has stuck with you over the years?
P.S. More about our move soon including our final box and luggage count and what it’s like to be in a big North American city again. I love having the local accent but it’s strange that people now comment on my oldest’s Canadian/Manx chatter.
This is great advice! My girls are teenagers now, 15 & 17, and I think it still applies. Everyone gets stressed and cranky if Mum tries to hurry them! (Or, shock horror, to remind them of something they were already planning to do!) And I’m also noticing I need to apply the same principle to myself when with my elderly in-laws. Just today I was listening to a talk by John Ortberg where he said that life might be BUSY, but HURRYING is the enemy of the soul.
Love your work, btw.
This is so true! In the past when we have taken road trips we have sometimes not booked hotels ahead so we could just feel out how everyone was doing and make a last minute booking depending on how far we thought we could go and maintain sanity.
Another time I drove a three year old and 18 month old from Seattle to LA by myself and broke the trip up a fair bit. The kids naturally woke up early anyways so we’d just get driving early, take long breaks at rest stops, and check into hotels at 4PM or so to have a low key evening together.
Love, love, love this…and I love how this little mantras really can make a world of difference in day to day activities. One that has stuck with me is that discipline is teaching, so instead of yelling at my kids about what they did wrong, I think “just teach them what to do next time.” It has been a sanity saver 🙂
Dawn – what a great phrase. Thanks for sharing here. I know I will be using “just teach them what to do next time” many times over. 🙂
Any tips on long haul flights with babies? Got a transatlantic move coming up in 6 weeks with my 7 month old… 🙂
Seven months isn’t a bad time to fly in me experience. They still sleep a lot and, usually, aren’t that mobile yet. If you use a carrier definitely bring it along as it is helpful when traversing airports and if your baby will fall asleep in it it could be great on a flight (they make you take it off for take off, landing and turbulence). The other nice thing is that they don’t need a lot of toys or amusements to stay happy. Just looking at people is an activity. Good luck!
Carrier is a great tip, thanks! 🙂
Truer words… I’ve got property a reasonable 9.5 hours drive away in the Interior; getting there in 8 hours used to be goal to be achieved ( yeah, I might be a guy ). Nowadays I break it up with an overnighter half way there.
Welcome back! Sorry about the smoke and the stupidly high temperatures ( yeah, we might be Canadian. Sorry )
Most important thing, no matter how flustered or busy your day gets is to take a breath, make eye contact and really listen. Day to day, people just talk to talk. Small talk, complaints, empty compliments. But children speak with more purpose even if you have to look beyond the words. So get low and make eye contact is my best advice.
Oh and also, give them something small to do to help you without making a big deal of it. They enjoy being a part of your world. Any time they like. They’ll find quiet time when they want it but you’re modeling inclusive, helpful and gracious behavior. Good stuff.
What a great first post to write after such a big trip. Welcome home, Rachel. 🙂
Thanks, Cait. Good to be back on the Westcoast!
Quiet time! I’m not sure where I have read about this, but in essential it is a replacement for naptime. Once your kids decide against napping, start introducing quiet time. For us (2kids 4&1y) the oldest plays in her own room for 90 minutes. She can take toys as long as it is quiet. We started at 20 minutes and build up the time. She is a highly sensitive person and this amount of quiet and alone time not only gives her some rest (because she still needs it after kindergarten of preschool) but I feel like it also builds her confidence in feeling safe on her own, without me. She comes into her own about her own space. We set an alarm, help her if she really needs it, but mostly she must play alone. It has been a life saver for me as a stay at home mom and also gives her rest and builds her self confidence. It also alows me to scale back om my parenting and get a little used to giving her some space and self-control.
We did this too for all three of our boys and it was great. They really enjoyed this time each day and it helped them having this time apart. It also gave them the ability to sleep if they needed a little extra that day without feeling bad about it.
This is great advice.
Our oldest has played well independently since his older toddler days so I was able to enjoy quiet time during his younger brothers afternoon nap. I need to institute quiet time at home again for the summer – we seem to be out most afternoons and the younger two nap in the stroller.