Life

Why Is The Good Life So Hard?

by theminimalistmom |

 The good life sure takes work.

Decluttering is work.

Buying less is work.

Not watching television can be work.

Eating well, exercising, staying calm when your two year old dumps his scrambled eggs on the carpet, it’s all work.

If the good life is so good, why is it so hard to fit all the pieces together? Why are so many of us overweight, in debt and avoiding all the stuff that’s in the garage?

This has been on my mind a lot lately as I pursue my 2012 word: wellness.

I’ve been eating Paleo for about 70% of my meals since September. When I am off grains, gluten, dairy and anything processed I sleep better, I have more patience with my son and I’m on an even keel emotionally. Hiccups in the day (or night) don’t phase me. I can laugh at the scrambled eggs on the floor instead of doing a “gahhhh!” and adding it to a list of things that went wrong that day. I feel really good when I eat that way.

So why am I not sticking to it all the time?

It’s a big question. And it’s not an easy answer.

When I consider other areas of my life that are going well, particularly ones that I have made big changes in, I can see that it wasn’t one thing that lead to a big change. It was small choice over days, weeks and even years. Many of these choices flew in the face of what is conventionally seen as the good life: car ownership, a bigger home and more stuff.

The modern world has a different idea of what the good life is.

Consumption and convenience are in.

If you’ve decided you want less stuff you’re going to have to fight for it. You’ll be faced with temptation daily. Well meaning friends will innocently invite you on shopping trips. If you’re go-to on a bad day is to walk through Home Sense and see what’s on sale, you’re going to have to find a new stress reliever.

When I’m eating the foods I want to be eating, less than 5% of what’s in most supermarkets is available to me. There’s almost nothing at a convenience store for me to nibble on in a pinch. It’s not convenient to have an unconventional diet. I’m hoping that much like decluttering and getting out of debt, continually making small changes and new habits will help me eventually make the big change. And that…

Living the good life does gets easier.

Making new habits and changing your consumption patterns takes work. It’s not easy in the beginning. I’m reminding myself of that when I falter on my nutrition plans, when I have afternoon tea at Rushen Abbey (if you’re ever here go visit – lovely) and when I wonder if it will ever get easier.

We’re in a nice spot with our stuff and lifestyle, almost on automatic now, and all the work has been worth it. Hoping I get to the same place with my nutrition.

Anyone have tips for making big changes and making them stick? Or comments on the good life being hard.

Below are some good reads on the hurdles, and rewards, of less stuff.

  • Why We Can’t Buy Happiness – But Try to Anyway If we can’t convince ourselves that money and material possessions won’t bring us happiness, we are forever going to be chasing that golden ring.
  • 12 Ways a Small House has Improved My Life: from Zero Waste Home, a great blog about living small and living green.

  • Rachel, recently subscribed and am exploring — my word for 2012 is enough! 🙂

  • I try not to be someone who always looks for someone or something to blame, but I definitely think my upbringing has been a hurdle to overcome as I strive to live “the good life” as I see it now. My eating habits are a big one. I went gluten free about a month ago and have noticed that I feel a lot better, but I am still tempted to jump off the wagon and eat an entire pizza sometimes. I mourn the food that I spent 30 years loving. Sad, but true. My parents have different attitudes about a lot of things in life, and it has been tough breaking away to be my own person. Sometimes I have actually been made fun of. I am slowly getting to the point where I am really embracing MY good life with my husband and my son, and I’m a lot happier. I spent several decades living a different way, so it’s not easy.

  • I’m not being critical, really i’m not. I’m just going to throw my opinion into the mix. I agree with the bulk of what you are doing and i support that, but just sometimes i read your posts and i think “god girl, give yourself a break, it’s not a competition”. You don’t have to get it completely right 100% of the time. You’ve done brilliantly, you are out of debt, you are living the minimalist life and you are fit and healthy. So people aren’t going to judge you if you go out for a fab meal or buy something. The whole point of being a minimalist is so that you can “enjoy this life”, unencumbered by stuff, not “abhor life” unencumbered by stuff.

    • Carolyn – I liked reading this. I think some of your points are quite true. Lately I’ve been thinking about how I still have “shopping guilt” even though we are out of debt and don’t really buy much. Something I need to work on. On the other hand, I don’t write about all of my life here, that we had a fabulous (and spendy) date the other weekend, that we get a sitter at least every other week so we can see a movie or go for a drink and long walk on our own, or that we’re going on a decadent sun vacation next month complete with babysitting service and windsurfing.

      Good reminders here to not only ease up on myself but to also show a bit more of the luxuries in my minimalist life.

      • That’s so good to hear. As a reader, we don’t know that you do any of those things. It’s nice to see a balance, it makes minimalism (and it’s benefits) so much more appealing to the audience.

  • I am not totally grain free but eat mostly gluten free to support a gluten intolerant son, and also trying to avoid refined sugar. My best advice is to plan ahead with regards to snacks…I carry almonds or macadamia nuts in my purse, and as I have a sweet tooth I make raw coconut date snacks or raw cacao balls which are healthy, delicious and keep in the fridge….whenever a craving arises I eat one of those and it disappears…I’ll even take a few out with me if I am meeting a friend for coffee and know there will be sweet temptations.

    For the last couple of days I’ve had a little refined sugar and needless to say I feel very blergh!! I look forward to feeling good again soon!

  • Staying calm is the hardest challenge ever. Ever.

    I am trying to eat better and exercise more. But cupcakes are my weakness. And in moments when life is hard, all I really want is a cupcake. But today I went to the gym instead of eating a cupcake. That to me is victory.

  • I wasn’t on Paleo – but a similar, no grain, no refined sugar diet. It always helped me to have some quick “go-to” meals and snacks on hand at all times. I would always cook some chicken breasts and store them in the freezer, so that if I didn’t have left-overs for lunch the next day, I could quickly reheat the chicken, put it on a salad with some oil and vinegar – and instant meal. I also ate a lot of peanut butter and apples for breakfasts and snacks on the go. They didn’t need to be refrigerated so it was a good snack. Also, hard boiled eggs are qucik and easy to grab on the run. I try to make 6-8 at a time so that I have them in the fridge when I need them. Good luck.

  • My husband and I were talking about this very issue recently. I’m starting to wonder if, on some level, I don’t really believe that it is the good life. Or maybe I just can’t give up the idea that more is better. Or maybe, when it comes to food, I am not willing to put in the time to plan ahead so that I’m not stuck wondering what to eat. Perhaps I am more comfortable hiding behind old habits. Perhaps the new habits pinch my feet and leave me feeling exposed. Perhaps this is just what happens when we embrace the work of bringing our lives around to better reflect what we claim to believe is good and true and worthwhile. I want to do it with grace and joy.

  • I agree with you that living an unconventional life (whether it relates to diet or general consumption patterns) is hard. Whether we realize it or not, product marketing has a very strong impact on our daily lives, and when what we are being told to purchase conflicts with our lifestyle or our values it makes the journey feel a lot more challenging. I feel that my general consumption patterns are well within my control, but as it relates to food, it’s more of a struggle for me too choose products to consume that align more closely with my values – I have recently stopped eating meat, but half of my family are still eating meat and I am still responsible for preparing most meals for the rest of my family. As well as purchasing the lion’s share of the groceries. So I’m struggling a little bit with the food situation. Know that you’re not alone on this one.

  • great post. I’ve wondered the same thing. I’ve even been wanting to try a primal diet, but just can’t seem to find the discipline to even make it one complete day. So far I don’t have any positive reinforcement for it though. I crave grains like crazy, and I get headaches without sugar. I gave up sugar for a year and had a headache the whole time, went back on sugar and my chronic headache disappeared. I wasn’t super strict, I would eat stuff occasionally that had a teeny bit in it, maybe the low level I still ingested made it so I never overcame the addiction? I don’t know. I want to give primal a real try and see if I see the “fountain of youth” benefits… sorry for the rambles.

  • Ebb and flow. Some days the tides push you ashore and other days you get pulled underwater.
    We sure like to remind ourselves of the days we botched things up. Never mind all the days when we succeeded.
    So you have a downcycle day/week – it’s never too late to fix it. Just don’t waste too much energy in beating yourself up over it.
    Back when I was a preteen, I had a snotty/ bratty horse. My riding instructor was a rather blunt woman who didn’t hold back her opinion. I was busy whining one day about how hard it was to ride that horse & my riding instructor turned me around by the shoulders & gave me an eye to eye one-sided conversation that went something exactly like this: “listen up you little brat, if you go through life whining about how hard everything is then you deserve to get thrown off the GD horse”. Gulp.
    SooooooOOoo, nowadays when I find myself seeing only the negatives or how hard something is or that there seems to be no end in sight – I get a chuckle from that day my riding instructor cleaned my clock.

    • I love this story, not that it happened to you, but that it is SO true on so many levels.

  • I’ve come to the conclusion that I also need to simplify my work life. All is a gradual and a step by step process. Yet, if I truly want this good life, all areas of my life will need to be simplified including work in order to create the balance necessary to sleep well, eat well and live well. And, this is a tough one and a place I struggle most significantly at the moment. I have not accomplished this yet although I’ve made serious strides towards it this new year. Stress and lack of time are considered “badges of courage” in the US (at least). People seem to brag about how many vacation days they’ve accrued and how they work through the worst of colds (sharing with the rest of us of course) and work places aren’t very open to taking a “sick day” so as to rest (when really needed so as not to actually get sick). Then there is the issue of sleep. We don’t seem to buy into it as a “medicine” which cures alot and gives us a significantly higher quality of life not to mention these same “side effects” of healthful/mindful eating. And there are so many other side effects as well….

    • Juanita, I know this is quite late, not sure if you’ll get my comment, but I want to let you know it really means a lot to me. I am very interested in doing the same with work. It is a major source of stress for me!

  • “when I falter on my nutrition plans” don’t be so hard on yourself. 🙂 The way I see is that as long as you generally stick to your plan (let it be a diet or a spending plan), the occasional faltering (? 🙂 ) is OK. There’s no point beating myself up for not being 100% perfect! :))

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  • Thanks for your blog, It has helped me declutter and i already feel better about how much cleaner my room feels with less effort.

    I have been having digestive problems and I also have PCOS, so I’ve been doing a lot of research on healthy eating. I am 22 and have ben trying my best to empower myself in this situation. I believe diets are highly individual, so I don’t want to push anything on you. I will say that i have recently been reading a lot about sprouting/soaking grains and this may be a good alternative if you find that 100% Paleo is difficult. It may also be interesting to see if sprouting your grains makes you feel better when you are consuming them. I am intrigued by this especially given my digestive trouble but also from a larger health standpoint.

    Thanks for writing!

  • My dad has this phrase that he repeats often: “If it was easy, everyone would do it.”

    Most of the important things in life aren’t easy. Keeping things uncluttered is SO much harder to me than dejunking our house in the first place.

    Eating well is another tough area. Just this week, I decided that due to a handful of health concerns with my daughter, we need to eliminate gluten at out house. That’s no small feat when she prefers to live on carbs and we have 10 people living under the same roof. House wide diet changes are challenging to say the least! I’m feeling overwhelmed with it all right now, but it’s an issue I can’t ignore (unlike the piles of clutter that show up out of nowhere).

    We just have to keep on keepin’ on and choose to take on the most important challenges of the day.

  • I have been a vegetarian for almost 20 years, and I am not sure if it is easier because I live in a large urban multicultural city, or that it has just become normal that I do not eat what ‘normal’ people eat (the rest of my family is NOT veg).
    I tend to think more in terms of black and white of things that I can and can not eat, may or may not be easier than thinking I could eat this, but know that it is not going to make me feel well.
    Right now I am having a similar feeling with alcohol consumption, I would like to have a glass of wine every night with dinner, but realize that A it not good for me, and B is expensive. I try and limit it to a few nights a week, but agree that being good is HARD!!

  • this post is so inspiring! i am also working on living the good life with my family and finding it to be quite some work. i can’t really curb my buying-habits, so instead i try to stick to the one-thing-in, one-thing-out rule so we don’t have a lot of clutter in our house, but i can still indulge my consumption habits.

    i also try and garden and get outside as much as possible, being outdoors is so great for kids *and* grown-ups!

  • What resources have you been using for your Paleo diet? I’ve Googled it a couple times but haven’t found a book or anything that looks very useful.

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