The oft heard phrase I hear when people find out we have three children and live in a two bedroom apartment and that we hope to stay in this space is: just wait until they are teenagers! In fact there were some funny and informative comments of that exact nature in a few posts in this series. Carmen told me I may want to move out when the boys hit the teen years because of the smell. Maybe that is the solution? I rent a small apartment in my building during their teens years? Strangely enough there is a family in our building with that exact set up. Parents have one apartment and the teen/early college boys have another.
Don’t worry, we are both scared and daunted by the idea of our three boys – likely to be in the very tall range – living in this small-ish space with us. Scared but also aware that we have some choices.
One choice would be to rent a townhouse or upper portion of a house for three to five of the high school years. I think this is becoming a very acceptable idea in Vancouver’s crazy real estate market. Buy a home that works for most of your life, rent somewhere for the relatively small window where it doesn’t work. This would also give us more options for choosing a high school that has programs our children are interested in and a neighborhood that is walkable and has all the amenities we need and enjoy. I like this idea and I think it could work very well. The downside of course would be the hassle of moving and the increased cost. Plus, renting has some drawbacks in that you could lose your lease or the owner could sell and then you are stuck with the expense and hassle of moving again. We’d also pay tax on the rental income from renting out our home plus continue to pay condo strata fees each month and of course any repairs to our home. A townhouse or part of a house would also rent for more than what our apartment would rent for. This choice would significantly increase our cost of living for the duration.
Another choice, one that I also like very much, is to invest in some space saving furniture and renovations to create more space and privacy for teens and parents. Our space usage is terribly inefficient right now: our kids go to bed early and are small. We haven’t needed to increase our efficiency and make rooms multi-purpose because right now it works. Besides the baby sleeping in a portable crib in the office each night, most of our rooms are single purpose. But I can see that older bigger children will want more privacy and our small second bedroom won’t be a comfortable space for three teen boys.
And as someone who experienced having her own bedroom for the first time my sophomore year of college, I would like to give them their own space for some of their teen years. The great thing is, we can actually do that even in our small space. It will take some work and some money but investing in furniture and some small renovations is cheaper than moving and renting a bigger home for three to five years or selling and buying a bigger home.
Here are some of my favorite ideas for making our two bedroom apartment work for a family of five that includes three teenage boys.
Master bedroom becomes younger children’s bedroom and parents take the smaller second bedroom. Our master bedroom is large for a condominium and fits a king sized bed. We could move all the kids in there in the next two or three years and then our oldest could have the den/office as his own room later on. Double wall bunk beds would greatly increase the floor space – I’ve linked to a few options below.
- DIY murphy bunk beds that fit in a nook
- Pensiero Twin Wall Bunk Beds with Table *much more affordable option to the Clei models
- Clei Kali Duo Board Twin Wall Mounted Bunk Beds *these Italian made bunks are gorgeous but very expensive – shown above
Second bedroom becomes the parent’s room. We move down to a queen sized bed and perhaps even a fold down queen size bed with a desk. When our oldest moves into the office the second bedroom works nights as parents room and days as a home office. 5kids1condo has this set-up with a fold down bed that is a desk during the day and it means his master bedroom can be used 24 hours a day instead of the usual 8-9.
Our little office/den becomes the oldest child’s room. Technically this room is an enclosed balcony per city building codes. Semantics really but it doesn’t have a closet and has a glass wall and door that faces into our living room. Because of building codes and rules we will likely never be able to pull the glass wall out and enclose it though we could remove the wall and leave it open (maybe the plan once the kids leave the next!). It’s a very small room but it can fit a twin bed and maybe a small dresser if we were able change the door to swing out instead of in. From memories of my teen years I know that getting your own space is worth it even if it’s a very small space. When the oldest moves out the next in line gets it, we move back into the master bedroom and then the two children still at home each have their own room.
The closets in our home are very small but I recently saw a smart idea from fellow Vancouverite Alison who writes at 600sqft.com (lovely blog! go check it out) about a small renovation that increased their closet storage space. A light went on for me – we could do this with our few and small closets too. So to keep up with the increasing size of the kid’s clothes we could knock the headers of the closets out and have more usable space. If we can keep all or most of the clothing in the closets we can have fewer dressers and more floor space. Which will be needed with five people in the 6ft to 6’5″ or taller range sharing 1100 square feet.
Our beloved IKEA Stockholm sofa could be traded in for a sectional. Not a chance it can seat what will be five adults. We’ll get something larger, give up our side table and maybe I will finally have a coffee table once there are no crazy toddlers in the house. The dining room table that now sits in a four person configuration will expand to it’s six person configuration permanently.
We put up a sliding barn door or put a wall with door up to divide our living room from the two bedrooms. This would create a better sound barrier between the living room and more privacy for our main bathroom.
Another way to create more privacy: spend less time at home. I know this sounds a bit strange but hear me out. I’m hoping my teens are fairly independent and that due to our proximity to so many things, including transit, they can manage their own lives and schedules without mom and dad chauffeuring them around. With so much at their door step I expect they will spend some evenings studying at the Vancouver Public Library a few blocks away, playing pick up basketball at the local outdoor courts or at the Community Centre, swimming in our condo pool downstairs or at evening band practice at the high school that’s a 20 minute walk or eight minute bus ride away. Or working their part-time evening and weekends job at a local coffee shop. Yes, this is a small space for two adults and three teenagers but one of the reasons we live down here is that we have a lot of public space and amenities close by. Our living room is limitless if we think of all the options in a few blocks radius to us to study, meet up with friends, read a book or listen to music.
Are you living in your ‘forever’ home or will you need to upsize or downsize as you age or your family grows/shrinks?
More posts on minimalism at home:
Your new house looks great! You all the space sound so efficient. Thanks for sharing!
It’s funny you ask if we are living in our forever home — this is a topic we’ve been discussing a lot lately! My kids are in high school and middle school, and we are starting to realize we do not want to live here forever. We bought the house with the understanding that we would live here forever, We wanted a house that kids could use, play outside, with family space and individual space both. And it has been wonderful. But as we look toward college and the kids moving out, we realize we want something smaller, with less upkeep, closer to shops and public transportation. We’re also dealing with my father-in-law’s home, as he no longer wants to be burdened with the accumulation of fifty years of marriage, and the stuff they have collected in that time. His children will be clearing out a lot of his stuff while he is on vacation — a burden I don’t want to pass down to my kids.
Sorry this was so long — you really tapped a deep well with this question!
Great post.
I have three teenagers:-) A daughter, 17 and two sons, 15 and 14. They are getting taller by the minute. These years are a wonderful phase in journey of motherhood. I shared a room with my sister until college. Looking back, there are lots of happy memories of that time. You have many of good ideas and options, and some time before you need to make changes to your space.
Homework areas will be crucial and the high school years go incredibly fast. Wishing you lots of luck with your three boys. Stay present…don’t blink:-)
We raised two boys in a large house and when the last graduated moved to downtown Vancouver for a European life style. Both boys came with us with the older moving out after 6 months into his own small condo. It’s been 7 years and our younger son still lives with us after graduating UBC. Both boys have said that they love the simpler life style, the walking, using their bikes and public transit, and simplifying what you need to live. We make a joke daily one item in, one item out, We moved with this is mind designing closets to fit golf clubs and hockey equipment, and sewing equipment. Moving into a smaller space does not mean giving up your hobbies. Tucking away and out of site definitely shows organization. Thank you Ikea.
Thanks Ann – this is great to hear!!
Our house is small (around 1000 sq. ft with two bedrooms, one in the basement) and we want three kids (ideally three, so two more to go!), so we too have thought about how to create extra bedrooms when the time comes. I joke that we will have all boys and this will allow us to ceate a dorm-like space in the basement that we can decorate to look like a German submarine. I am not really worried about it though. I probably only use about half of our house on a regular basis and it has shown me I will be open to mixing things up to get the most out of the space we have. I feel like the whole idea of a “starter home” is creepy and really not relevant in the city. Thanks for a thought-provoking post!
Have you considered the Japanese option? Having futons instead of beds makes bedroom multipurpose, as you can (and should) roll them up during the day. It is true that Japanese homes come equipped with special cabinets to store futons in….
Our family of four has four futons. Right now, our children are small and sleep with us in our bedroom, but later on, this will change. I find not having a huge bed taking up the whole space makes a room so much more airy.
Also, you could consider skipping the sofa altogether, or just not upgrading. Many kids enjoy sitting on the floor anyway. We don’t wear shoes in our home, so the floors are clean and are a surface for sitting, playing, reading etc.
My sister-in-law is Japanese and she and my brother and niece and nephews have lived in Japan before and practiced futon living. I think it is great for space saving! I’m not sure I am up for it right but if we wanted to try to save more space I would consider giving it a try. It’s nice to hear from families that are making something unusual (for North America) like futons work. Thanks for commenting.
We don’t wear shoes in our home either but I can’t say the floors are that clean!! 🙂
I’ve been following your home display with increasing confusion. Why do you keep calling your flat a 2 bed when you have a third bedroom you’re using as an office? Why is it so odd to fit 3 kids in? The size and layout is very similar to our 3 bedroom house (your total floor space is higher as we have around 800 square feet and we have stairs but the bedroom proportion is nearly identical as far as I can tell). In Europe we live in a very nice family home ideal for 2-3 children! Even though we have no closets and one bath. Yes it’s nice to have your own room but that is not so common when you have 3 or more kids.
Hi Bee, I’m writing from a North American perspective and for mostly North American readers. Apartment living for families and sharing rooms is not generally the norm. Where I live it is unusual to a) have three children and b) live in an apartment with three children. I know this is not new or different for European readers or other readers living in HCOL high density cities like New York and San Francisco.
Our third room is actually an ‘enclosed balcony’ which is a minor detail but it has no closets and a glass wall and door that faces into our living. In our city there are bylaws around how space is used in buildings and technically this space is not allowed to be a bedroom. Semantics of course but we will likely never be able to remove the glass solarium wall and put up a real wall.
Lovely to hear from a European family happily living in 800 sq ft!
This is a brilliant post, thank you so much for writing it and sharing it with us. We also live in a condo, albeit a bigger one, in your town and our kids are 1 and 4. Since we bought it, we’d always been saying that we’d eventually move to a bigger one but… you know what, I just realized that I do not want to! Aside from the economics of it, which are much better if we just stay put, we have PLENTY of space here to adapt to whatever life brings to us (especially since we won’t have more kids – no twins for us!!). And the time savings from not having to move and move again, downsize (for staging) and remodel or renovate or get new furniture or whatever needs to be done every time one moves… I feel there will be some convincing to do with my husband, but once he sees the numbers laid out he should smarten up.
Oh, and a townhouse? Don’t do it. We visited a bunch before buying our condo and they are awful, most of them are on three levels which means you’re always going up and down stairs and it’s all very narrow and cramped. At least in your condo, however small, you have tons of light and you are in a great location. It’s the Best Place on Earth, I tell you. 🙂
Brigitte: lovely to get a comment from someone who knows the housing situation here so well. It is hard for people outside of this crazy bubble to understand just how desperate things are here and that living in a single family home – even one well outside the city – is just no longer an option for most families.
Yes – stay in the apartment! So many benefits to not increasing your mortgage or lengthening the term. My husband and are are in our late 30s (me) and mid 40s(him) and taking on a 30 year mortgage right now sounds like a jail sentence. We will hopefully have our condo paid off in the next 10 years, before I turn 50.
And you stated all the upsides to living in a condo so well. We’ve done two international moves and a few moves between rentals in the last five years and they are such a time and money suck.
Thanks so much for commenting and good luck with the apartment living and convincing your spouse to hang tight there. Maybe draw up a PowerPoint deck with all the advantages? More vacations, retire earlier, less cleaning, etc.
P.S. Thanks for the townhouse tip. I’ve been hearing that from a few people: you lose so much space from the stairs that they’re really not worth it. I would love to live in a bigger ground level apartment with a patio or access to outdoor space. We live on the 16th floor with no balcony so we spend a lot of time taking the kids out to the park.
We bought our 1000 Sq Ft 4 level split (3 bedrooms, 2 bath) 12 years ago with the idea it would just be a starter. We had 2 girls and thought you know this is perfect a room for everyone. Then we got surprised with twins, (boys). I was so panicked that we wouldn’t all fit here and I had so many people try to sway us to move (the bigger is better types). Then we talked to some friends whose kids were all grown up and moving on to college. They said they were in the same boat years ago and sold that little house they had and now with a bigger one growing empty every day it seems like it was a foolish idea. That settled it right there for us. We were staying and we have made adjustments and plans for the teen years to come (10yr, 8yr and 2x5yr, its closer every day!). I think like minded people like us all need to stick together. We have so much more freedom to travel and enjoy life not being bound to a bigger house and mortgage. The rule in our house is that “If mom and dad have to share a room, then so do you”. Plus with room swapping and swirling it does keep things in this place exciting. It feels like a new house every few years with changes going on.
Heather – thank you so much for commenting. It is so great to hear of another family resisting the move for a bigger home. I have definitely seen a trend of my peers upsizing to a house once their two kids are 3 and 5. I know many of them really love it but our priority is to have more freedom financially and more time – and we can’t have that and have a big house. Plus moving sucks!
What a lovely family mix you have – I am envious! I wanted twins each pregnancy (I’m an identical twin) but it never happened.
Our boys are identical as well. The best gift I never knew I wanted.
I would love for the Canadian Dream become something similar to what we have and what you strive to put out there for everyone. My grandparents still have their first house from over 60 years ago and raised 4 kids in it (3 boys, 1 girl) and they managed. They even at one point had the basement of their bungalow as an apartment for my great grandmother. How times have changed.
This reminded me of my recently late granny’s house since 1938. She and my grandad only had one daughter but rented one downstairs room (of two) and one bedroom (of three) to a young couple they knew who couldn’t afford a regular apartment or house. The house is a tiny English row house, in all about 700 sf… The couple had two children, born in the house, in the 5 years they lived there. Later, first one and after my mom went to university, the second of the three bedrooms was rented out to lodgers, usually teachers, for whom my granny cooked, washed and cleaned, making for interesting dinner dynamics and additional aunts/uncles! The last lodger lived there for 25 years until he died in retirement. Apart from that, the tiny house was always full of life, guests, teaparties, relatives staying over from out of town and so on. There was always, magically, room for everyone. One bathroom. One tiny kitchen. One sofabed. Recently, we celebrated my granny’s long life by filling the house with 10 of her descendants (7 adults and 3 children, 4 generations) for 4 days. It worked surprisingly well and she would have loved it. We need to go back to the mindset of family/people over individual space!! (Incidentally, Granny grew up with 8 siblings in an even smaller house, only 2 bedrooms, with a combined kitchen/dining room (so-called 2-up, 2-down) and an outdoor toilet.)
My thoughts concerning the teenage years are that while I definitely want my kids to be independent, I also want my kids to want to be home and to bring friends over to hang out and have dinner and just generally be around. Ideally, I want our house to be the hang out spot rather than somewhere else.
We just built our forever home while living with six people in a school bus for two years, and one of the worst parts to living in such a micro space was how difficult it made practicing hospitality. I was constantly sending the kids outside to get out from underfoot and having to tell them no to having friends over for dinner. It feels very nice to be able to be the one doing the hosting and the inviting these days!
So I guess my question is how you do feel about not just having your teens in the space, but a stream of friends as well? Is it important to you or not so much? Do you feel like your current space could accommodate it?
We’ve had gatherings of up to 20 in our space and while it’s not ideal, it works. And I think with the ‘condo culture’ of where I live people have very different expectations of hosting and being hosted. Like the kids can hang out in the master bedroom playing and watching a movie and people eat in shifts at larger gatherings and yes, some people even sit cross legged on the floor with their glass of wine. I hope that with three rooms off our main living room area that we have nooks and spaces for friends visiting. Also, with the density of where we live I could see that while we might have three friends visiting, two of our kids may be out visiting their friends.
Funny, when I started this blog living in an apartment with kids felt like a radical choice. Six years later it’s really just a necessity for most families as single family homes in my area start at well over one million. Even to move farther out and have a one hour commute into the city we would be looking at close to one million for a single family detached home.
We live in a “starter home” city (residents described as newlywed or nearly dead) comprised mainly of modest 1940s era houses and have been here five years. We have friends who have moved TWICE in that time to upgrade their spaces! I will say we chose our home well– it’s the perfect size for us, cost us next to nothing to purchase despite being in an expensive county, and we could stay forever if we wish, even with three kids. If we stay in our state, which may not happen due to it being politically so distasteful, we won’t leave this home. We’re watching, however, many of our friends leave for bigger houses. At the elementary school two blocks away, enrollment in higher grades typically tapers off, starting at around 3rd grade, as folks yearn for a double garage (like most of our neighbors, we have a single stall, and it’s tiny) or two bathrooms (something we’re lucky enough to already have!).
I will say that it’s weird talking about having teens in this house. My eldest is 8, so I guess we’re getting close to those years, but I’m used to moving regularly. Five years in one house has already seemed like a crazy long time!
It’s hard to imagine the teen years for me too. More like I day dream about my husband and I being able to have evening activities without needing a sitter and the kids getting themselves to school.
You’ve just made me think about how many moves we’ve had. I think in the last 10 years of being together my husband and I have lived in six different homes and a few temporaries. Yikes! We do have the wanderlust in us. I like a big change every four years. 🙂
THe thing is, the time that your home is tight on space is short lived. I’ve been there, We have four children 18 t0 28 years old. 5 -10 years ago we really wanted to add on space, but now we are so glad we did not and just made do. You will wonder when they are teens, but after, you will be glad you didn’t spend the time and money.
Thank you for sharing Amy – it is so helpful to hear!!
I understand the “oh just wait” comments from well meaning friends and family. When we brought our fourth home to our townhouse everyone was asking if it was time to upsize. I wanted to be like “PEOPLE, it is a 4 bed 3 bath, 1800 sq ft home…there are ENTIRE rooms in it that we don’t even use!!!”…but its ok, I’m very happy with how we”ve decided to live and wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂
Have you checked out this site? http://www.assortmentblog.com/
She has 3 older boys in small living quarters and has great insight for space use and privacy for those boys.
Love your insights for living small. Thank you for sharing your space!
Carmella who writes the Assortment Blog is such an inspiration! Her three teen boys share a room (I don’t even think it is full height) and they each have a sleep nook with a curtain. Yes it definitely gives me hope and ideas for our life with teens.
I love your ideas. The only thing I don’t like is fold away beds. What if you or your husband wants to rest/nap or isn’t feeling well and the other one wants to work at the desk? I’d go for a bed that is a comfy 24hr retreat for both of you and find somewhere to have a separate desk. I know you don’t want to block those wonderful views from the windows but maybe in that triangular space by the window in the 2nd bedroom? It would only block the bottom half of the window. But maybe the space is too small – it’s hard to tell without seeing it. And for the boys too – it’s nice for a kid to have a place to flop down with a book or lounge with his tablet without having to move the furniture very time.
The person that wants to work goes to a coffee shop or works at the dining room table? Right now I work from home at most 20 hours a week and those are week day and day time hours. Of course I can’t predict the future, some work my husband does requires a permanent large desk with a large monitor so if he was just working in that field and working from home, and the boys were teens, I’m not sure what we would do. For now those are worries I can take up many years down the road 🙂
I know, I just like my bed. Some people get on fine with murphy beds. For me the whole minimalist living in a home turns into living in a caravan when you have to start moving furniture around for different activities. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, it’s just a personal boundary I’m not willing to cross.
Btw, not only do the Japanese all pack their beds away during the day, but my cousins had daybed type beds and they used to pack away the bedclothes every morning to make their beds into sofa-type seating to have friends round. It worked fine for them .
Love your notes about the Japanese style of living. Especially about the one room for things. Brilliant idea. Thanks for sharing.
We have a three bedroom house with one room being really small (but fine for a single bed). If we have kids we’d stay here- it’s about the same size as my parents’ house, which was fine for two adults and two teenagers. Even if we had more than two kids, there are two double bedrooms so sharing would definitely be possible .
I think you are right to plan to stay in your current place- I’n sure your kids will want to be out and about with their friends when they are teenagers- though I spent quite a bit of my teenage years at my friend’s houses and them at mine, so you might end up with more than three teenagers in your house at some point 😉
Your option to move elsewhere for 3-5 years is interesting. I remember (vividly) talking to some friends who have grown kids. They were talking about this 2-3 year stretch where she (the wife) was adamant about finding a bigger house. He (husband) said he knew he just had to wait it out- the house was fine, they were just in a tight few years. It was the teenage years- when everyone was on top of everyone and no space felt big enough. They stayed in the house and it was fine, but it sounds like exactly what you are describing. We have four kids and four bedrooms and this is our long-term home. Plenty of square footage, but the kids have one teeny tiny bedroom with no closet, and two big ones with huge closets. I already feel guilty for who doesn’t get a closet, or who has to share during their teenage years, when privacy is so appreciated.
(I mean- not too guilty. We have plenty of space… But it just can’t be “even” or fair, with everyone getting his/her own space, so I anticipate some room shuffling and teenage angst.).
I remember griping about how unfair it was that my brother got his own room – one boy, five girls and a 4 bedroom house – and was definitively a bitter teen about it. Of course a few years later and into my 20s: who cares!? Your anecdotes from friends are a good reminder that teen angst will be teen angst no matter what size home you live in.
And good luck drawing straws for the rooms 🙂
We’re in a for now space. It’s 1043 Sq ft 3 bed 2 bath rental. It feels the right size for our family of 5 but the neighborhood is more car dependent than we like. We moved from 500 miles away last week and will use the remaining time on our lease to find a neighborhood that meets our needs better. We will only be in the city 2 to 3 years so our next place won’t be a forever home either.