Getting Started

Decluttering Other People’s Stuff: The Struggle of Paring Down as a Family

by theminimalistmom |
How to declutter other people's stuff.

Decluttering other people’s stuff is hard.

Decluttering other people’s stuff is one of the hottest topics on this blog and the Facebook page.

There are so many easy reasons to live with clutter and overstuffed closets.

By far the most common one I see: it’s not mine. A burning desire for a simplified home and possessions is rarely shared by the whole family.

We’re currently living in a furnished rental so, I get it.

When we first moved in I was decluttering a bunch of appliances and cooking utensils from our kitchen. I created some ‘dead’ cupboards that are strictly storage for unused items. I rearranged the living room furniture and stored the nick knacks that weren’t our taste. I pulled down the ‘art’ and hung some of our framed photos. We settled into this place and the stuff that came with it.

It’s not ideal. I’ve spent so much time and effort getting rid of things and yet, here I am again dealing with a lot of stuff we don’t need. None of it is ours so donating it all it isn’t an option. After my initial work I’ve mostly just lived with it.

But I don’t have too.

There are a dozen glass tumblers. We only need four. There are huge main course plates untouched as the salad plates are large enough for meals. We have a lot more than we need.

What do you do when decluttering other people’s stuff isn’t possible?

Hide it.

Designate out of the way and rarely used closets or, if you have one, your basement for storage. I’m going to take a few boxes of things down to the storage locker for the flat. Sure, it will be some work to pack up and itemize linens and random electrical chords that came with this place, but it will be worth it.

Forget about it.

Decluttering isn’t the only way. If you can’t sell it on eBay at least you can put the clutter out of your mind. The low cupboards in our kitchen are stocked with owner’s rainbow coffee mug set and food canisters. I can’t do much about that so I avoid those cupboards and don’t think about their contents. I don’t let it bother me that our home here isn’t a ‘perfect’ vision for simple living. We’re still getting all the benefits of living with less: quick clean up, rooms that are relaxing to live in and money in the bank.

Enjoy it.

Find a room you can really have your way with and make it yours. It could be a den or bedroom. Maybe it’s your laundry room. If you can’t get a room take a closet. Heck, it could be your car. Clear it out, make it a peaceful space and savor it. You’ll likely find your family commenting on how nice the space is. Finding some allies in the war against clutter won’t be far behind. Next: they’ll be decluttering with your help!

Decluttering other people’s stuff is a game of patience, showing over telling and mind over matter.

Need more ideas for living with non-minimalists? Here is a piece from a few months back: When You’re Not Married to a Minimalist.

Oh, and they do come around. When I first started getting rid of things my husband was supportive but a bit skeptical. A year later and he’s on board. We just decided as a family to not buy a desk for his work computer. Our dining table will continue to double as a work space and dining space.

Anyone else have ideas for living with your children’s, spouse’s or roommate’s stuff? I know it’s a tough one. More idea on decluttering in shared spaces in my book: Do Less: A Minimalist Guide to an Organized, Simple and Happy Life. 

More posts about getting started with minimalism:

 

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  • I am probably the spouse more prone to clutter, so I have few tips on that front.

    As for the kids, I think the best strategy is to be sneaky and move stuff. If you move some toys to a box in the garage and no one’s noticed two months later, you probably didn’t need them. I’ve tried to involve my kids in paring stuff down, and it sort of works, but they’re almost never going to want to get rid of anything. So I pull my “move to the garage” trick on a regular basis, and rarely have to bring anything back into the house.

  • I’m still struggling with the kids stuff and the sentimental hoard. I’ve minimised my stuff, I’ve got hardly anything left! The problem in particular seems to be Leah’s things. I’ve mentioned this before. As a child I had a lot of hand me downs, and I had the same toys for years and years (literally years!). I’m pretty convinced there’s something subconscious going on here! This post has made me decide to go grab some boxes and box the stuff up. I’ll hide in garage with note in diary to check in 6 months and if I haven’t been in them off to the car boot they will go! Hope you and yours are well 🙂

  • We have brought a motorhome and sold off nearly everything that we owned, or gave it away.
    We are living with less stuff then we ever thought possible, yet we still have stuff that we dont really need!
    Its amazing how we think we need to live with everything around us to make us happy. But really at the end of the day – happiness comes from within.
    Yep I have a hubby who like to collect stuff! Far to much stuff, that one day he could use for something 🙂
    Cheers
    Lisa

  • Hahaha! Yes, my husband had a huge wardrobe when we got married. There was a box of shoes and my husband only ever wore two pairs. He still has at least double what I have for clothing. I cut him some slack because he works in a more formal office now.

  • In our house, there are still a few items that we would like to get rid of, but still do not have the heart to.
    There are a couple of expensive paintings which we received from my parents, and which I don’t think we’ll ever display in our home. We hide them instead on the top of our wardrobe. 🙂

    Also, there is a set of coffee cups etc (a wedding present) which we don’t use often enough to keep, along with cookbooks. However, as we still have the top cupboards in place in the kitchen, we still have the space to keep the unused coffee cups and cookbooks. Once the cupboards go, these will be got rid of too. 🙂

  • T-shirt collection as quilt: I’ve seen this done with old sport uniforms. I was a rower and men’s teams have a tradition of giving their shirts to the winning crew. I’ve seen people make quilts out of those shirts. For six years I had a bag of my own rowing uniforms – college, national team and some other countries that I had traded for – and planned to make a quilt out of them. Never happened. Ended up giving most of them away and keeping one as a souvenir.

    Like the rule that it has to have a home. A place for everything and everything in its place. =)

  • I like your idea of putting away the knick-knacks and the art. The extra drinking glasses, however, I think I’d just live with. Do you need that kitchen space for something else? At least you know the extra stuff will not be following you when you move on.

    • True, no harm in extra drinking glasses. But those shelves are full. As in if a glass is out of line the cupboard door doesn’t close. I kept getting annoyed when I was putting away dishes and then had an ahaha moment: just move some of them.

  • The way I got my family on board (mainly my husband) is when we sold our home and moved out of state. I told him if he insist on taking his “stuff” then he would have to pay the movers that much more. Well being a bottom line type of guy, we held a big garage sale and sold much of what we had. My family is no longer allowed to bring more “stuff” into our apartment we are currently renting. And when we buy our next house we will purge even more.

  • my husband’s *stuff* seems to have overtaken our house… his office (soon to be nursery), his *other* office (currently empty being painted), the living room (interim office), the mantel, the dining room table, the kitchen table… when he cleans it up, it all disappears but there’s so much of it! He works out of town all week so I can do some cleaning, but a lot of it is work related (receipts that need to be expensed) and he begs me not to touch it, swearing he’ll clean it up when he gets back the next weekend. I have noticed though, that over time, he’s improved – when the house is clean he loves it as much as I do, so rather than complain about it, I’ve been trying to help him set up systems (ie, file papers, mail goes in this ONE pile not many piles) and it seems to help. there is hope!

  • Something that really helped me and my husband negotiate in the battle to trim down clutter is I started having him maintain his stuff. Im a stay at home Mom so pretty much the duties of the household fall on me which is fine but I decided that it didnt mean I had to take care of a bunch of stuff that I didnt even want around. I had a polite chat with the husband and told him how I felt and that if he wasnt wanting to part with some fo his stuff that he had to help out with it, dust it etc. I noticed that once he had to deal with it the value and enjoyment went out the window for him and it didnt seem worth it. It helped to get him involved so he could understand the minimalist stand point a little better. It does take time and lots of talking it out but its worth the work. Men need time to reset their brains and kids do too but they will come around especially if its important to you. They will notice that your calmer, happier and have more time and attention to give them.

    • They will notice that your calmer, happier and have more time and attention to give them.

      So true, Jen. Our son isn’t old enough to understand the live with less concept (he still confuses noses and ears) but my husband has really seen the changes to our home life in the last year. I’m a better and happier housekeeper. And we both like that it’s easier to find things when we need them. As a family our weekends are about relaxing with each other and outdoor activities. No Saturday afternoons spent cleaning.

  • At my house, my husband is definitely more minimalist than me. On Saturday mornings her clears ALL surfaces of my (and my kids) papers and junk. I need to make sure anything I need is put away by Friday night or it ends up in the recycling! And I have literally had to go through it to find permission slips for a school trip.
    I am getting better and 2 of 3 floors are clutter free, now I just need to tackle the basement.
    We are moving into a smaller place and so I am hoping to reduce as much as possible before we move – an amazing chance to down size.

    • Hahaha! That is great that your husband is anti-clutter. Must be a huge help to your household.
      Congratulations on moving into a smaller space. We’ve enjoyed moving from our 1100 sq ft condo in Vancouver to this 800 sq ft one. I like having fewer rooms to clean.

  • I wish I had an answer, but I’m dealing with this problem immensely. I think, for me, I have to forget about perfection. The Hubs doesn’t mind having less, just not what my idea of less is. Plus with two growing and ever-changing boys, it’s near impossible to have a space to myself. I just keep trying to remember that the boys won’t be small forever, so they’ll soon be able to claim their own space and clean up after themselves. As for The Hubs, I have to remember to be appreciative for the fact that he does have little compared to most else. I can’t wait to read more suggestions!

    • The ‘forget about perfection’ rule is spot on. I’m trying to be more process driven instead of results driven. It helps my stay relaxed about toy clutter or, in this case, the challenges of renting a furnished flat. So our focus is on not buying or collecting stuff we don’t need and taking the time to edit what we already have.

  • For me I ignore other people’s things mostly. My husband has a lot of random electronic junk in the office, I just don’t go in there unless I have to. Our oldest boy’s room is scary so I avoid it. Our garage is full of my FIL’s crap and has been for months so I don’t go out there unless I absolutely have to, I’m hoping FIL’s stuff is gone this weekend though because I would like to get the garage set up to be an indoor play area again since winter is coming soon.

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