I’m from a single parent family of six. We had some lean years growing up but we’re all now well adjusted and happy adults (mostly).
When adult Christmas arrived, meaning the majority of us were employed, Christmas gift giving got some serious steam behind it. And it got expensive quite quickly. It was also stressful: what do you buy people that have everything they need?
Wants are a difficult thing to guess.
One year I co-captained a team at work to purchase gifts and food for a needy family. It was the highlight of my Christmas that year. I was so amped about it my family decided that the next year we would stop buying for each other and buy for a family.
We took our job of providing Christmas gifts and food for a family very seriously. We had, after all, been generously assisted during some tough times. This was a chance to give back. The children of the family had mostly asked for clothes, boots and warm winter jackets. When you are a kid in need your first thoughts are not of what the hottest toy is but how to stay warm. We bought the family a lot of clothing and food. We had the buying power of the seven of us and we all contributed between $100-$200 each. When my brother and mom dropped off the car load of presents and food at the school that was coordinating they were shocked/impressed. We got a very nice card from the family thanking us and we had a wonderful stress free and joyous holiday.
The last few years my siblings and I have lived in different cities so we’ve mixed it up and donated to different causes. Gifts in my family still follow the rule that if we think of something for someone and it is amazing and will be used a lot we buy it for them. But we don’t buy gifts for the sake of having something wrapped up.
This different view of gift giving isn’t for everyone. Ultimately you have to do what feels right to you and what you’re comfortable with. I understand the pressure of social and family norms but this Christmas why not just consider the alternatives. I’ve linked to a few great posts below. Give them a read, share them with family and friends, and then see if you and yours are open to change. See if you could give the gift of your time and hospitality, your knowledge and support, instead of going to a mall and wrapping something up.
1 Simple Strategy to save $2000 this Holiday Season and make everyone love you: Everett Bogue of Far Beyond the Stars is always controversial and often a genius. This is one of those genius posts.
The Case Against Buying Christmas Presents by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits. Read, think, discuss.
35 Gifts your children will never forget by Joshua Becker at Becoming Minimalist. I am such a softie. This got me choked up.
Miss Minimalist’s Gift Avoidance Guide: real ways to avoid getting and giving a bunch of stuff this year
What Christmas is NOT About by Adam Baker at ManvsDebt. Media links show the ugly side to gift giving.
********************************************************************
Don’t forget to leave a comment here to enter to win The Joy of Less by Francine Jay (aka Miss Minimalist).
Rachel,
I love your blog and many gift ideas. My family and I waited too long to sponsor a family this year, as you normally have to get involved a few months early. Instead, we bought several $50 gift cards to the local grocery store and donated them to a local church. They are able to get them to families in need quickly. Also, I think it is important to do this all year, as hunger doesn’t wait for Christmas.
Couldn’t agree more: hunger doesn’t wait for Christmas. We do small donations during the year and once we are out of debt will be looking to donate a percentage of income.
Thanks for stopping by!
Wonderful post, Rachel! I loved your story about sponsoring a family in need — such a meaningful way to celebrate Christmas.
I love the idea of sponsoring a family and knowing what they want. I started buying soccer balls and bags of rice and goats through world vision for kids/famillies in need in Africa etc as my gift to my grampa. I have found this to be the answer to “what do you buy someone who has everything”. We have also opted to do baby photos for family members. They love it and you can do the whole thing for under $10 each.
I like the links. This came at the perfect time as I was starting to feel the “lack of present” guilt building. We are still getting the kids a santa present this year but I don’t know if we will be getting a parents present as well. Not quite ready to deconstruct that myth yet.
I don’t think Chris and I are getting each other gifts this year. He went big for our anniversary – should be good to say it was also a Christmas and birthday present.
Shh… we may not get Henry anything. He hasn’t told me there is anything he is dying for.
We gave up buying gifts for adult siblings several years ago and my husband and I have definitely moved away from stuff gifts without really talking about it -we do mostly experiential gifts. We will be doing that this year for the kids with the exception of a new (used) bike and a (resale shop) x-mas dress for my 5yo who has outgrown both and some consumables (homemade cookie mixes and “time” with mom to make the cookies).
The big gift for us as a family, however, it taking a train trip: a novelty for us Midwesterners, reduces the CO2 footprint for the trip we were already going to take, and hopefully more enjoyable for all (no car seats!!! bathroom without stopping!!!)
Otherwise, I am giving $ to both kids to donate as they please through one of the charities we support – I have nothing against donating goods but charities can generally make cash go a lot further than I can and we can integrate this in the x-mas morning ritual. I have gone through the online gift catalogs – like UNICEF’s Inspired Gifts – with my daughter and talked about different options that we had instead of buying more toys — she was quite upset with me when I said for x-mas I would not buy more baby dolls for her *not* to play with so we worked on an attitude adjustment by looking through some pictures on UNICEF and CARE’s websites. It is a way to make it a bit more tangible — this way they can “buy” baby chicks for a family in the DR (we visited missionary cousins there a while back and she remembers it so it is an extra connection).
I love experience gifts! I’m not sure I was ever on a train until my early 20’s. How neat for your kids!
When my son is old enough to ask about gifts I will be using your model.
Totally with you on this. I read a lot about budgeting, it’s kind of a by product for me of a simple life (it’s not my focus) – I am not completely comfortable with budgeting at Christmas (apart from food – but that is more to do with eradicating waste than watching the pennies) as for me it begs the question why am I purchasing to meet a ‘spend’ or ‘value’ – for me that is the wrong way round. If a family member desires something or needs something then I am happy to buy it – I don’t mind spending money – I hate wasting money! Oh and I hate shopping!!!!!! I would love to do a similar thing as to what you have done. So far my efforts have only gone so far as donating to charity in lieu of cards. I’m going to put my thinking cap on and plan for next Christmas – thanks for the inspiration.
It’s that whole ‘fair is not equal’ thing. I need to get it out of my head that if one niece or nephew wants something that is $10 and the other something that is $40, I don’t need to make up the difference.
We do a reverse budget, it’s not how much can we spend but how much do we need to spend. We splurged on one family member this year but it was something she really wanted and was also an experience, rather than thing, gift. We were happy to oblige.