If you have a late December birthday you know all too well how your special day can be overlooked in the mania of the holidays.
It’s probably a combination of my introverted nature and some hasty celebrations in my formative years, but I’m not that concerned if my December birthday is marked with a big night out or a card with some lovely words. The last big birthday celebration I had was for crossing into my 30s and since then I’ve been happy with family meals and a cake selected by my oldest.
But last year I had my best birthday in quite a few years. I felt very loved on that day and a new bar has been set that I hope is met for years to come. Nothing elaborate was planned, there was no grand surprise party and while I did get a gift (winter coat, selected by me, ordered by my husband), it wasn’t the highlight of the day.
The best gift I received on my, gulp, 37th birthday: time.
On paper/blog the day sounds like any other: our oldest was in school and there was a toddler and four week old baby to take care of. Errands included a trip to the recycling centre, dry cleaners and groceries. Fun, right?
It was fun. The mundane and could be stressful (those newborn cries when driving!) turned into relaxed and enjoyable because my favourite person was with me. My husband took the day off work and it was the best gift I received. An extra set of hands with the kids and unloading cardboard at the recycling depot made the errands so much easier. Time for unhurried conversation made it feel like I was on a date. It’s surprising to me how many times I have thought about my wonderful birthday day in the last few months. Receiving someone’s time and attention for a whole day is a big and memorable gift.
Shower someone you love with your time and undivided attention. This isn’t always an easy gift to give. Life and work can be busy. It’s easier to hand over something wrapped than to carve out an afternoon to spend solely on or with another person.
Here’s another idea: ask them what they want to do. It’s nice to surprise someone with dinner and theatre tickets but they might really be in the mood for help painting their bathroom. Your gift of time might feel most rewarding to the recipient if you ride a bike next to them and chat while they do a long run for an upcoming half marathon. Your attention might be best used helping them sort baby clothes or weed the home library or tackle any other house project they’ve been putting off. When I was asked what I wanted to do on my birthday, checking off a few errands that were hard to do on my own with a newborn and toddler sounded heavenly.
Have you ever given or received the gift of time? What did you do with it or what did you give? I struggle with being able to give this gift right now while my children are very young. Looking forward to having a bit more hands-free time at my disposal in the future.
We’ve started doing the gift of time for our kids’ birthdays – they get coupons for different things, including: a date with Daddy, a sewing lesson with Mama, a surprise outing, a planned outing, a dessert request, a cooking lesson, etc. They LOVE it. It costs next to nothing and the quality time is amazing.
I feel you! My birthday is two days before Christmas, so I know how much TIME with people can mean the world. My last birthday, my husband surprised me with friends and family over for games. I had a blast and it’s been our cheapest birthday yet. I wish I’d spent more birthdays on just giving people time instead of buying gifts (or even worse, the stress of MAKING homemade gifts). Time. :O)
One thing immediately springs to mind… While it wasn’t a birthday gift, it was certainly a gift.
I was working at a crazy stressful job and I just had no time or energy to deal with anything domestic. I lived alone and while i hated my house being a disaster, I just couldn’t muster the energy to care when i got home from a work day (in television production) that started at 8am and ended at 9:30pm.
One of my oldest friends, since we were kids, came to my city to visit and she knew where to find a hidden key and just let herself in (per our plan). When I walked in she had cleaned my kitchen. Completely. I cried. I mean, i literally cried because it was just a tremendous thing to do for me. . I was so grateful and she just blew it off and said it didn’t take that long (it probably didn’t really). That was years ago, and i still remember it vividly.
I just had my birthday a couple of weeks ago and my daughter came over and helped me clean out our office and set up our new computer! Best gift ever! My husband made me breakfast, it was a perfect day!
Wow! Rachel, that sounds like bliss! What a lovely husband you have! This morning we had a whole 15 minutes after getting the kids off to school and us having to leave for work, and just chatting, uninterrupted(!!!!) at the table over a late breakfast/coffee was better than any of the other great things that have happened in my week. I hope more people take away from this post the beauty and importance of time for, not just parents, but everyone! I hope you are finding joy in these early years with young children. Having little ones is such a struggle some days, but it’s true what everyone tells you, you blink and they’re nearly as tall as you! Thank you for your inspiration xx
We draw names for Christmas and I got my dad last year. He doesn’t “need” or even want much so I decided to give him a night out…with me! I got us tickets to see the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra play Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and we had dinner out. When I was growing up and in orchestra I had to attend live performances every quarter (and write a paper about them) and my dad took me to them. Each December we went and saw the Minnesota Orchestra perform Beethoven’s Ninth – to became a tradition. By chance, the chamber orchestra was playing it last month so I instantly knew what concert we’d be going to! I enjoyed our night and I think he did too!
My husband’s birthday doesn’t fall on a holiday but the week of the spring forward time change. Every year I take the day off to bake a cake and cook dinner. This year I also made vanilla bean scones from scratch and made his favorite eggs and minced ham. I did buy him a few presents of needed clothing but that was it. A relaxing Sunday type of day in the middle of the week
As wonderful as this post is, it makes me feel guilty and sad.
For the next while, purely for financial reasons, as well as working three mornings and a couple of evenings a week, I need to work at a second job w rather antisocial hours. (evenings/nights/week-ends/holidays) I am reminded on most days how little time I have for the kids just to laze about and to do fun stuff. Yes, I am home w them in the afternoons, but that is taken up by the ever increasing amount of homework, and some after -school activities, scouts and piano, which they love.
How could anyone give me time?
They could help you do things around the house you need done that would take time (an hour of cleaning, laundry, organising, cooking, etc.)
🙁 Hope this window of extreme busyness is a short one, Apple.
I also have a December birthday and when my Mum asked me what I wanted I could not think of a thing (lucky me!). What I really wanted was not more stuff. I was honest about this and my lovely Mum and Dad offered to look after our son for 24hrs AND paid for a hotel for my husband and I for the night. It was so relaxing – best present ever. I am hoping for a repeat this year.
What a great gift! My mum has done this for us before – watched children overnight so we could have a night alone. Best gift you can give for parents of young kids 🙂
One mother’s day when money was tight, I helped my mom plant a garden. I weeded the plot she wanted to plant in, prepared the soil and planted the flowers that she had selected and purchased herself. It was something she really wanted done, but found difficult to do herself. She was more appreciative of that gift than almost any other and we both remember the day fondly long beyond the time that any material gift would even be remembered. It can be hard to give the gift of time with young children, but my mom was more than happy to spend some time with her young grandchildren while I did this job for her and the kids even pitched in a bit too. The following year my mom asked for the same gift again!
My birthday is coming up and my husband and MIL make it possible for me to take a day retreat/ occasionally a weekend retreat of reflection, silence, and writing. It’s such a blessing – the most wonderful gift!
Last year my husband took our three older kids away for six whole days! It was just me and the baby, and it was lovely. It was one of the highlights of my year. The silence, the space in my own home, and knowing that all the messes were just mine and no one else’s. It was such a gift.
My 6 year old daughter’s birthday is coming up and that occasion usually brings a lot of presents from the birthday party….more clutter that really doesn’t get played with very much. This year she is having her party at the local humane society and is asking her friends to bring a donation for the animals instead of a present. At first I wasn’t sure if she would want to do this, but after a visit to see the animals she is totally up for it, she said she would rather help the animals than have more toys. I hope she will remember the good feelings from this birthday more than the forgotten toys.
I also have a December birthday and that is also my favorite gift! I am an introvert with young children and all I want every year in that busy season is to have a few hours to myself while my husband takes care of the kids. I also look forward to helping others with my time someday!
What a wonderful idea! I always struggle with finding a way to express my thanks to family members who help me out. Offering the gift of an afternoon of my help with an activity of their choice is perfect! (Of course my husband would have to chip in to watch the kids too). This idea expands beyond birthdays-Thanks for sharing it!
I agree!! My birthday is Halloween. Since having kids, I am completely happy with the day being about enjoying it with my kids. My husband began the tradition of taking that day off several years ago, and that is the best part of my birthday! We can have a relaxed morning, no rushing anywhere. Sometimes we go out for lunch, but not always. Usually, the two of us and our four kids do a special project my husband planned: stringing fake spider webs through the yard, carving pumpkins, or what ever. Then we can walk around our neighbourhood, together, while the kids trick or treat. Just more time together as a whole family is something I love very much!!
You are right! Sometimes we fight in order to find a perfect gift for people we love without asking them what they really need and perhaps they would be more grateful for little things than for big gifts. Great post!