Toys

The Cure For Too Many Toys

by theminimalistmom |
The cure for too many toys.

Many a parent complains: we have too many toys.

Continuing on the theme of children and their stuff, I wanted to talk about toys. This is usually a bugaboo for most of us. Too many toys. They seem to multiply overnight. Especially around birthdays and holidays. And while many of us put firm restrictions on what we bring in or give to our children, there are so many other avenues for toy creep from freebie toys at fast food restaurant to generous relatives and friends. How do you manage having fewer toys when they are everywhere?

Start With Yourself

What can you change as a parent? Is it giving fewer gifts or introducing your children to experience gifts? Is it having a rule that toys are not bought outside of birthdays and holidays? Is it guiding well-meaning relatives and friends towards experience gifts? Can you make some house rules around what comes in, the kinds of toys and a limit on the space they can take up? If you find the external toy sources frustrating bring it back to what you can control.

Develop a Plan for Dealing with Too Many Toys

Some parents declutter toys without their children’s input or knowledge. I’ve had comments that this is cruel but we’ve practiced it for years. It’s the recommended method in the book Simplicity Parenting (a great resource) and the author outlines all of the reasons why in the book. We use this method after a lot of observation of what the children are playing with most and what toys, books and games are gathering dust.

But you know your children best. If that idea sounds like a recipe for a lot of tears in your home start culling the toys together. Ask your children a lot of questions about what they like best and how they use it. Observe their play. Ask them to pick their most loved toys. And then decide together on donating what’s left or just boxing the toys up for a few months in case they think they’ll miss something.

Before the holidays this year I boxed up our wooden train set and all our, gag, Paw Patrol pieces. I’m hoping this is the final goodbye for the Paw Patrol set but I’m not so sure on the trains. We have a five year age gap over three children and I think our youngest still has some train building ahead of him. I’m not ready to part with the trains yet, but having them out of site helps my kids engage more with the toys they love (it also makes it easier to keep our toy area tidy).

Try Rotating Toys if You Have Too Many 

Childcare professionals know the importance of toy rotation but it often slips the minds of parents. Find some time to separate toys based on activity/skill/interest and start changing the toys out weekly or bi-weekly. This method can give your kids that new toy feeling without adding to the amount you have. This is a great method for the preschool set. Our oldest, now eight, has fewer types of toys and now uses them over longer sessions (weeks of building something instead of a twenty minute play) so we don’t use it with his toys.

The No Gift Birthday Party

I posted about “Toonie” birthday parties a few years ago and was surprised how many parents hadn’t heard of this concept. This is a fairly common practice in Vancouver, Canada where many families have scant space to spare for 20 new toys from a birthday party. Instead of having children or guests bring a traditional gift for the birthday kid, they request that they give the child a toonie (two dollar) coin. The child can then use their birthday money to save or put towards something they’ve been hoping for. Often included with this birthday request is for a second two dollar coin to be brought as a charitable donation to the organization of the child’s choice. When we had a Toonie Birthday for my oldest’s seventh birthday we donated to the Vancouver Food Bank.

We also had a ‘no gift’ birthday party when we lived overseas. This was for a third birthday and it was a first for most of the attendees. For full transparency: many people found it awkward. We specifically requested no gifts and that their ‘presence was present enough’ but some people couldn’t not arrive without a gift. We were thankful for any gifts brought and waited until after the party to have our son open them. If you want to change things be prepared for lots of questions and guiding people through something very new to them. The fight against too many toys isn’t always easy.

And for our earliest birthdays, gasp, we don’t get our children any gifts.

You can change how many toys you give and receive and how many are in your home.

Too many toys is a fixable problem. It takes time, patience and a strategy. You’ll need to put some hours in initially to get things under control if you’re drowning in action figures and doll clothing. Believe that it’s worth it and you will make the time.

You’ll need to model not being ‘stuff’ focused with your kids too. If you’re a shopper or even a window shopper, if you’re often browsing the sale rack searching for something you may want, if you talk often about the ‘things’ you covet – your kids are picking up on it. My family is far from perfect on this but I think one of the reasons my kids aren’t too obsessed with stuff is that their parents aren’t. We don’t window shop and we rarely go to malls. The conversations my kids hear about buying stuff in our house are incredibly boring: choosing between the two places in town to buy winter tires and if we really need a second set of kid’s snow goggles.

I’m not saying my kids don’t throw a fit once in a while and beg for a new Lego set. The Lego set they saw in that Lego magazine that came to our house and I didn’t hide right away. But they seem to be average or below average on stuff obsession compared to their peers. And I think some of that is from living in a home where we try not to covet things. We try to focus on the doing and enjoying in life rather than the having.

More about toys:

How do you keep the toys tamed?

  • If it’s cheap, plastic, gendered, or branded, it doesn’t stay. The exception being some books and stuffed animals (Paddington Bear and Curious George). I’ve done a toy library of sorts before, but I’m thinking about putting a toy rotation in place. My kids are currently 3 years old (twin boy & girl), and I’m starting to work in the concept of donating and saying goodbye to toys so that I don’t have to declutter in secret.

  • For us, it is relatives that gift too many toys. I employ all of the above strategies including the no gift birthday party but the number of people who ignore it… it sort of drives me crazy. Then every time we see his grandparents, more toys. I now openly tell them that every time they give him a toy, another one goes to the op shop, one they have given. I do not care if it sounds cold but I do not want to live in a home overrun with toys. I rotate toys, and I try to encourage his development because he has autism and a severe speech delay so certain toys are more helpful than others. This is my biggest struggle 🙁

    • Are you comfortable with maybe setting boundaries for yourself on what comes into the house? We often get unsolicited toys, and when that happens, I just get rid of them immediately. I have an ongoing donation bag in the truck of my vehicle so I any toy I don’t think is a good fit for me kids goes into it there right away. It makes my family feel good to give gifts and it makes me feel good to get rid of stuff to everybody wins 🙂

    • I’ve been there. Both with the too many toys grandparents and the delayed child. Sounds like you are doing great setting boundaries with grandparents and letting them know toys will not be kept. Keep sending the message. For my delayed toddler he didn’t attach to a toy after opening it unless it really piqued his interest (at the time he only cared about trains). So it was easy to keep those other gifts boxed up and then I could return or donate them. Have you spoken candidly to them about your son’s challenges? I have found being very transparent about the stage you’re in, the importance of proper toys for your son’s development and the harm of too many toys/the wrong toys can shock grandparents into not bringing useless toys. Then you can direct them to ways to really help be it helping with therapy or buying the toys and tools recommended by your child’s therapists.
      Hugs to you, Carla. I know this is the internet but I have thought about you and hoped things were going well for you and your son. We’ve just started some new therapies here and have a big assessment at the end of the month. I am feeling really hopeful. Your son is really lucky to have such an engaged and motivated parent that is putting all this work in in the early years. You’re giving him the best start!

  • Our issue is that we have SO much of one type of toy: LEGO! Our boys rarely want a non-Lego toy, so their Lego stash is pretty insane. The issue is that they can remake things and do with the pieces when they dismantle them. Our oldest has two bookcases in his closet and the top half of the Ikea Kallax 2×4 shelves filled with Lego creations. It’s his #1 passion in life. We’ve talked about selling sets, but he uses pieces from everything, so we haven’t been able to cull that area of our lives. The only positive is that Lego tends to appreciate in value, so we hope this can at least be a start to his college fund lol!

    • Lego has quickly become the only toy my eight year old has. Now that we are in a house he has the luxury of having a space to create in that his youngest brother can’t access (thought he wants to desperately!). I’d also love for my son to someday sell his sets but I think he will have to spend days sorting the Lego to find all the right pieces for them.

    • I totally know where you’re coming from with the Lego dilemma , 2 of my children are obsessed with it, infact apart from some playmobil it’s their only toy. After a meltdown on my part from constantly picking it up (and stepping) on it i finally came up with a solution – we have Ikea drawers in their room and we separated all their Lego into different colours into each drawer. I can’t believe how this has transformed their mess, when they brake up their creations they always put the pieces straight back in the right drawer. It makes finding pieces easier for them too so it’s a win wjn

  • Great post – thanks!

    In our home, I am the one having a hard time parting with the kids’ stuff – clothing, toýs, drawings, artwork etc.

    I feel SOOOOO sentimental letting go of the stuff. It’s like letting go of their childhood and even though I know this doesn’t ‘work’ that way – that’s how it feels.

    It’s easy to give the advice to “choose a few favorites and let go of the rest” – it makes (logical) sense. And I *hate* this advice of a good heart – I know it is truly well meant.

    But do you have a great advice to the kind of thoughts/questions etc? I could go through to make it easier to let go of stuff. I am not a hoarder or anything but definitely, keep too much of everything from my children at all phases (they are now 11 and almost 7).

    Thanks a lot in advance;-)

    • I saw this app the other day called Artkive that allows you take photos of art and they make it into physical photo albums for you. You could do this will not just their artwork, but photos of old clothing and toys. Even better if you snap a photo of them wearing it or playing with it. I feel just as happy/nostalgic seeing a photo of my kid in an old outfit I loved as I do seeing it in person.

      • Thanks a lot for this advice;-)

        Do you also have a great advice to the kind of thoughts/questions etc? I could go through to make it easier to let go of stuff?

        • Some questions we use:
          – does anyone play with it? How often?
          – do we have something that does the same thing? ie. Lego vs. other building items
          – will it be used again later (ie. younger child or different season)? is it worth it to store or will we likely get this toy again via borrowing from a friend or as a gift. We’re on our second round of Duplo. The first set was donated before we moved back to Canada and was replaced 2 years later when our youngest got some for his birthday.
          – can we sort and tidy our toys in a timely manner appropriate for ages and abilities? We can tidy our toys up fairly quickly (except for older son’s Lego play area but that is his domain) and I can sort all of them if they’re mixed up (we still have a toddler) in under an hour.
          – do I want to hold onto this for ___ number of years for grandchildren to play with. I’m so happy to let go of our toys and would rather other children play with them when we’re done with them then store them for someday grandchildren.
          Good luck!

  • I noticed you didn’t mention making Grandma’s home the recipient for excess toys. My Daughter-in-law brought some toys for our playroom when they moved to a smaller 1850s farm home. We have many toys that our grandsons play with that had belonged to their father and his siblings. We saved the better quality toys…. locally made wooden and Fisher price when they were made in the states, not the junk coming from China. Classic building blocks, and trucks from 40 years ago will still serve a third generation in the coming yesrs.

    • My mother saved ALL of my toys and likes to give them to my son. Some are good quality but a lot are not. She has given some that had mould and rot. It’s frustrating. Honestly, basic toys are worth keeping but kids have different interests, my kid for example doesn’t enjoy the same toys I did, it’s just the way it is

  • Like you mentioned, I try to stay tuned in to what they play with most and get rid of the rest…when they aren’t looking! Once in awhile they’ll ask where something went, but most often it goes unnoticed. I believe at some point I’ll involve them in the process, but for now an uncluttered house is being “modeled” to them, and I think that is just as important 🙂

  • I don’t worry about too many toys as I’ve found that a clear out once a year naturally keeps the numbers down. My daughter is now 9 and she has fewer actual toys and more boxed games and puzzles. She also spends more time out with her friends, on screens, and reading, so even she sees that she doesn’t need so many toys. We are down to 4 medium storage boxes (Barbies and clothes; furniture for the doll’s house; little figures and things from Playmobil and Shopkins, etc; and a Lego box); 3 drawers (art supplies; stationary and school supplies; miscellaneous things) and 4 shelves ( 2 of boxed games and 2 of books). I can see at least two of the storage boxes going by the end of this year – she never plays with the Barbies or the Playmobil anymore. So my decision was to suffer the clutter of toys for a short number of years and enjoy seeing how they naturally decrease year by year.

  • We certainly have toys in our house (about 25-30?), but something we do a lot is take advantage of toys at the play cafes, the library, playgroups and friends’ houses. It can be tempting to “buy our own” of something she really enjoys playing with, but if we have it at home I know it will lose it’s lustre and going to the play cafe will no longer be the treat that it currently is. Library has lots of puzzles and puppets and the play cafe we like has a great play kitchen/food set-up, so those are two types of toys we don’t have at home.

    • So true on leaving those special outside the toys house as outside the house toys. I’ve caught myself many a time marvelling at how engrossed my kids are in a toy or game and having that thought, should we have that at home? My oldest spent many many hours play with massive sets of construction blocks at Science World when we lived there. And we kept it new and interesting by not having those same blocks at home. This is also one of the ways to make those early years playdates run smoothly: let your kid enjoy all their friends different toys and games (and keep it special by not having them at your house).
      You’ve also reminded me of toy lending libraries. We had several organizations that offered them in Vancouver such as the YMCA and an early years organization. I know those toy rental organizations are now popular too. Any option to give your child some variety without owning or storing more toys long term is fabulous.

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