Moving overseas was an easy decision to make four years ago. We were ready for a new adventure. My husband was ready for a career change. Our minds were open to trying a slower pace in a much smaller city.
There was never a firm time line for how long we would stay. If you’re an expat living amongst other expats the question comes up often.
Could you see yourself retiring here?
How long will you stay?
Is there a goal post for your exit? Children entering or leaving school. A financial goal met. Sights seen.
We have often wondered how long we would stay and now we have an answer. Four years. We are leaving the Isle of Man this summer.
Four years seems like a natural fit. There have been a number of important four year stretches in my life. 1995-1999: Undergraduate degree. 2000-2004: train for the Olympics (and don’t quite make it).
It looks like 2011-2015 will be: lived overseas.
The move is one of the reasons this blog has been quiet lately. There are a lot of bits and pieces to this move. We have many questions to answer and decisions to make.
Will we move back to Canada? We are quite mobile despite the three kids. No office jobs await us. We have good tenants in our home in Vancouver. The world is our oyster.
There is a lot of decision fatigue at my house right now. It seems too much choice is again, not always the best thing.
So we ponder and sell things and get shipping quotes and search Craigslist and repeat.
Is it time for another big change or time to move back to our hometown and family and good indoor plumbing?
Do we move into our home or try a different neighborhood, something with a walkable public school and perhaps find a rental with a yard?
Nothing feels just right. The pros and cons lists are even.
I hope to write a little more here as we, for the dozenth time, downsize our stuff. There are some comforts that we will ship: my cozy wool blanket, some Duplo, books and, of course, the train set. But much of it will go. I am reminded again in the work involved of getting rid of your stuff. Every bag to a donation centre, every can’t take it with us blender sold, every secret declutter of toys, it’s all work. Pat yourself on the back friend if you’re in a season of downsizing or getting rid of things. It’s not easy.
Anyone else see a four year pattern in their life? It really has been a good amount of time here on the Isle of Man. We got to know some great people and explored the British Isles and a few places beyond. Plus at five years old our oldest shouldn’t have a permanent accent!
just found your blog. We have ben in NZ for 7 years and are currently thinking of a move. The Isle of Man has come up as we have family there, but I am a bit hesitant to head back to the UK (where we left, those years ago) and we have been spoilt with an amazing climate for the past 7 years .. how will I cope with the rain haha.
Its good to see other people are transient and like new adventures and places too.
One thing i do so love about a house move is the opportunity to shift out all the accumulated crap that builds up over time!
Dear Rachel,
I’ve just finished reading Do Less and really enjoyed it. My husband and I have almost always lived a minimalist lifestyle (though we didn’t know that it had a name), sometimes for financial reasons and sometimes just because it’s how we like to live. We’ve been married for 23yrs and have never really been ones to chase the “American Dream”. Reading your book and your blog has helped to confirm this lifestyle as good one.
Mark and I sometimes feel guilty because we’re not busy enough. Seems like everyone we know is running all the time. We need the reminder that it’s OK to NOT be going all the time. We’re home 4-5 nights a week. Our son, who is a homebody like me, never really wanted to play sports, or take lessons or go all the time. This is part of why we’re not busy, but even before he was old enough to have an opinion we’d decided that our children would only be allowed one activity per season. We had watched our friends and family members make themselves crazy running kids here, there and everywhere. We eat dinner at home as a family almost every night. Our Sundays look very much like a families would have 100yrs ago. We get up, go to church, have lunch with both sets of parents. I go home and take an afternoon nap. My husband and son spend the afternoon playing cards/games with his parents. The evening is spent piddling in the yard, working on hobbies or watching movies.
Mark and I also curtail our activities. My husband grew up in a family that ran all the time, but then he married Ms. Homebody and I didn’t like that schedule. It took him a few years to slow down, but now that we live this slower paced life he loves it. We also find that not being scheduled to the hilt means we can do last minute things more easily. Examples:
1. If one of our parents calls and needs help with something or just wants to visit, we don’t have to say, “Sorry Mom, got _______practice tonight”. My mom calls all the time to see if I can drop by and help her with a quilting/sewing projects and 99% of the time I can. Mark’s parents will call and say, “We’re bored, wanna come over and play cards?” and usually we do.
2. Our Sunday school class tries to provide meals for member’s families who have just had surgery or a baby, etc for at least a week or two after the event. We have a really hard time getting folks to sign up for it because they are soooo busy. I rarely ever don’t have time to make an extra meal and take it to someone.
3. A few weeks ago, one of Mark’s friends mentioned that he needed to cut some limbs out of a dead tree that weekend. Mark offered to help. The friend was very surprised and delighted that Mark could help. Instead of it being an all day job for one guy, it was a few hours job for two guys. If we’d had ourselves scheduled up, Mark would’t have had the freedom to go help.
We also don’t have the latest and greatest of anything. Both of our cars are 15yrs old and they still both run well, so we’re not planning on new ones until they don’t. We repair appliances until our repairman can no longer get parts for them (we have a washing machine that is 23yrs old). Like I said before some of this is for financial reasons, but some of it is because we just don’t see the sense in wasting time (shopping and research for a new one) and money on something we don’t really need. To me it’s easier to have something fixed than to try and decide on something new. I get analysis paralysis really bad.
My husband just got a smart phone this year and only because his old flip phone had quit working and he had to get a new one. My son and I still use regular ‘ole “dumb” phones. We don’t have a flat screen TV yet, probably won’t get one until our old TV quits working.
I only work part-time and my husband turned down a really lucrative postion because it required to much travel. He’s now self-employed and works from home. We’ve taken a lot of flack for those two decisions, especially from our parents, but we’ve never regretted them. Yes our bank account is smaller, but our lives are richer.
We still have things that are our stumbling blocks (for me craft supplies, for Mark anything related to music). We still occasionally get jealous when we hear about friends taking expensive vacations or doing fancy home renovations. But we just have to sit down and remind ourselves that there is a price to paid for everything and when we think it out we know those things are not worth the price.
The knowledge of the Minimalist movement has helped me to not feel like the “weird” family anymore.
Sincerely,
Shannon Combs
Sapulpa, OK
Shannon, Thank you for this lovely comment. Both that you enjoyed the book and all of these wonderful real life examples of the benefits of living slow and simply.
I have young kids at home and I am looking forward to the time when I can help others out more (without have to hire a babysitter!). I’ve been on the receiving end of such generosity from friends in the last year, picking up my kids and hosting playdates when our new baby was born. Looking forward to being able to do that for others. Rachel
It’s been a while since I’ve been reading blogs so congrats on the new baby! Three boys is probably as much fun as three girls. I love being able to reuse all the old stuff for each girl. I’m not sure our life goes in 4 year cycles. Maybe 5? We just bought a new house (we decided we needed more space and more than one bathroom now that #3 is close to potty training) and we lived in our current house for 5 years. One of our criteria was that it had to make life easier for us so we moved right across from the girl’s elementary school. That is going to cut driving down a ton! I’m really excited about it. I’ve barely worked over the last 5 years and I’m starting to work (a little bit) again so that’s another 5-year cycle for us. Although it has been longer since I have been fully in the work force. I’m looking forward to reading all about your decisions. Right now I’m stressing over packing up our current home and what to keep and what to take. It’s very tough so I’m always in awe of how good you are at getting rid of things.
Melanie – I’ve popped in to keep track of you on twitter and your blog from time to time. There is reassurance for me on life getting easier with three.
I’m also planning to start a little bit of work in the fall.
Packing up: it’s hard! We are liquidating like mad and I still have moments of panic. If I can’t sell things there will be a free garage sale two days before we pack up. Like your choice for being across from school. We are also trying to engineer school proximity into our move plan. It’s been so hand this year to be three blocks from our oldest’s school. Can’t imagine having to get all three kids into the car, find parking, get them out, walk oldest in, back into the car… that could be 2 hours of my day.
Good luck with the move, Rachel
I’m looking forward to reading about your new adventure!
We’ve moved house 6 times and continent twice in the last 6 years and it looks like next year might be another continental move, making 4 years on each continent. Recently we’ve been looking at possessions with a new eye, dividing them into categories such as “sell now and spend the £ on experiences and travel”, “donate” (it was so liberating to rid my closet of clothes that were either bad buy, or which do not fit or fill me with joy to wear), and “sell just before we move”. Ideally I’d like to return to the States with fewer possessions than when we left! Then there’s the whole house of furniture and possessions that’s been in storage to deal with! We’ll definitely downsize on return, as living in apartments and small houses has been cosy and cost effective.
I never see any stop as being permanent anymore. We started in a house in Michigan, and now we’re on a sailboat in Houston. But we’re not here forever. We’ll leave port in 3-5 years, and then who knows what. I kind of enjoy the not knowing. I’m not ready to be in the place where I will retire.
Wow! Exciting times for you Rachel! Can’t wait to hear what you decide and where you end up (New Zealand is always good if you’re up for a big change…hint hint 😉 )
good luck in this transition!
I envy your 4-year-plans. I’m a nomad at heart (there’s so much out there to see!) But my family prefers to set down roots. Perhaps we’ll downsize considerably when the children go off and wander then. Good luck on your move and keep us posted. Your insight is so useful, I look forward to your next post!
Congratulations to you! What a great way to shake off the cobwebs and to start fresh.
As our eldest is finishing primary school next year, we are very much in the process of deciding if we should move. In fact we have pretty much decided to move. We have just over a year to find the right job for my husband.
Any companies looking for a bright, hard-working, down-to-earth barrister to work as an in-house lawyer? ☺
Are you looking on the Isle of Man? Great lifestyle here and somewhat reliable transportation to Ireland. 🙂
i never really thought about it but 4 years is very close to our change cycle. I don’t know what it is but after 4 years I always start to feel restless. This last change we moved 2300 miles away so I think that might be it for big changes for awhile. I agree with Alex. it is ‘easier ‘with smaller kids in some ways. When the kids were toddlers and babies they really just needed us. Now I think it would be hard for them to leave their friends. They start building a life and then we say “oh hey time to move.” I really can’t say what the future will hold for us but for once I hope that it will bring a bit more stability.
Though, I never want to be in a position where we are stuck. weighed down by a big house and lots of stuff.
Good luck. It is nice to have so many options! Its a benefit of minimalism for sure.
Agreed it seems a bit easier right now with only one of them just at school age. Even with that, I feel some guilt taking the oldest away from really all he has known. He moved here at 20 months!
We are moving in about 10 months… not sure where yet, but I can totally agree, nothing feels just right. With the options we have, they all have different pros and cons but the lists are pretty even. Luckily the military will eventually have the last say in what we get, even after we provide our preferences… so that helps with some of the stress of making the right decision. But our biggest dilemma is wondering if we should stay in Japan or return to the states… and if it’s the states, which of 2 cities? We’ll know soon enough. The nice thing about living a military life, we are constantly going through our things and getting ride of the excess. I’m already in PCS mode!
I lived on Kadena A.F.B. on Okinawa throughout elementary school. I say stay! I loved it there. Of course, I wouldn’t base your decision on my preferences. 🙂
Adventure is the spice of life. I admire your ability to put thought into your moves. Personally I am very much looking forward to seeing you in Vancouver this summer 🙂 I cannot wait to get there!
Excited to see you and hear more about life in Australia!!
This is the second de-cluttering blog post I have read today and it is timely because I am too going through a serious de-clutter at the moment. I am enjoying it and using a book called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo as a guide, it’s really inspiring. Thanks for this post.
It is exciting and sad to move on from a place, especially when you are moving far away from it. We have definitely got a 4 year pattern going too. After 4 years at university, we have also lived for 4 years in germany, then 4 years in China and now we have just signed another contract for our current positions in Singapore, which will bring us to 4 years in Singapore. I am not sure if we will move on or not after that, as Singapore is an easy place to live. But 4 years just feels right. It is long enough that you really do settle in, but it is not so long that you become stagnant or start to feel like you will never leave.
We have the ‘should we stay or should we go’ talk, about once every 18 months and there are so many choices involved. It is so tricky, especially once you throw school aged kids into the mix. Moving with babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers is relatively easy (ha ha ha) as they really just need mum and dad in order to feel secure and happy. But once they are a bit older, you feel terrible for ripping them apart from their friends etc. Thank goodness for email and skype – at least it is easy to stay in touch these days!
Good luck with your downsizing and decision making. No matter what you decide it will definitely be another adventure!
Wow – I can’t believe your time on the Isle of Man is coming to a close. It seems like yesterday I stumbled upon your blog as I was preparing for the birth of our son in our small home and you were moving! I was so excited to get the early release of your first book!! You provide an invaluable gift with your teachings and updates of minimalism. I am hopeful you will land where you are meant to be for the time being. Best of luck! Keep us posted when you can!!!
We are also coming up for 4 years in our home and change is on the horizon for us too! I have just started to think about beginning the declutter – that’s what brought me back to your site today. But we are still undecided too – I totally agree with equal pros and cons lists and too much choice. Since reading your thoughts on this years ago I also realised living in a ‘walkable’ place is so important to me. I always have lived where you don’t need to drive, but as the prospect of moving to the countryside looms I’m grateful for the awareness and am searching for places with pavements(!) as well as friendly communities. Good luck with your decisions. Now that you are open to it, the right thing will present itself 🙂
Marie, Congratulations on the move! Yes, there is a lot to think about. While I would love to just give everything away, I have to look at the cost of the item, how much it is to ship, how much it is to buy again and how much my time is worth for all of it. Much to think about on the stuff front as well as the big piece: where to we want to live?
Good luck to you as well with all of the fun and work of moving. Cheers, Rachel
I feel abit sad that your moving! I’ve followed your blog for a long time and it has helped me so much……especially with having 3yr old twins! You’ve helped me to sort out too many toys and especially my wardrobe! Will you carry on with the blog when you’ve settled down?
Hi Samantha, Yes I will continue blogging! It may be slow for a bit – the move and a new baby are a lot of my time right now – but I will always write here when I can. I’m a bit sad too but looking forward to whatever is in front of us. A change is as good as a rest as they say. Cheers, Rachel
I look forward to hearing about your move (and all the associated decisions and downsizing) when you have the time!